Sunday, June 20, 2010

Gone Too Soon: My short Term Memory and Common Sense Brain Cells

If I had to create a title for my Friday night this week, it would be something like, "Gone Too Soon: My short Term Memory and Common Sense Brain Cells."  Starting to drink wine at 4pm may have been a bad idea- but patio Happy Hours with cold white wine is a weakness of mine...and I am not even a WASP.  (Maybe I have watched too many episodes of the O.C...but that last sentence was totally reminiscent of when Kirsten developed a drinking problem - If I start drinking straight vodka alone in my room, stage an intervention! )  But I digress...
Senorita CalienteMess and I show up at my family dinner (already 3 glasses deep), proceed to eat Salad & 2 glasses of red wine.  (attempting the skinny bitch dinner again this week...yes, you already know how this will end) Continue to drink a bottle of red wine at home while waiting for a cab to pick us up and take us to "Mt. Landmine."
Mt. Landmine:  Hot Young professional nightlife location with one of he highest concentrations of bars & pubs in a small patch of land.  ALSO the location of "He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named's" apartment, the Saturday evening location of The Narcissist's DJing gigs, and Mr. Apathetic's hood of choice. 
So you may be asking me, "HauteMess- WHY even go to Mt. Landmine?"  Simple answer- (besides masochism) its one of the only bar neighborhoods I like going anymore. And on the Pro/Con list, "Slight chance of running into D-Bag ex boy toys" ranks lower on the Con list than "Having ZERO chance of meeting anyone new who is NOT a D-Bag."  So, the decision was made- Mt. Landmine here we come armed with wine buzz, hot dresses, and a "fuck you" attitude.  What could possibly go wrong?

Senorita CalienteMess, Madame MarriedMess and I went pub crawling around the Landmine- consuming wine, vodka, more vodka, shots, and more wine (in that order). This is where my "Gone Too Soon..." story really picks up.

"Fun Ideas That I Had" (a.k.a. RIP Common Sense)
- Offering to pay the taxi driver extra money to drive past "He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named's" apartment and HONK his horn.  I remember saying the words, "Again! Again!" and clapping like a circus seal every time the poor little immigrant cabbie would tap his horn as we drove 20mph past an empty apartment. I sure showed him who's boss! (FAIL!)
- Offering the taxi driver more extra money to do the same thing to Mr. Apathetic (note: we did in fact have an amicable break up...2 years ago! neat) since it was so much fun the first time.  We get lost driving through the literal HOOD, finally find our way, honk a bit, and are about to drive off when Seniorita CalienteMess realizes that her boy bff lives here.  So we GET OUT OF THE CAR and try to get past the security gate...what would I have done if we made it? Likely turn around and run back to the cab, which is what I did anyhow. (MASSIVE FAIL)

"Things I Totally Forgot" (a.k.a. RIP Short Term Memory Cells)
- Updating my facebook status to say the following: "I don't care what you have to offer. I like a challenge and a sad beer face. Fuck Bachelor Parties." Why? Did I interact with someone at a bachelor party? Did I get rejected by some troll at the bar? I have absolutely NO IDEA what this means or where it came from.  I just know that when I received an email notification at 7:30am that Mademoiselle BlondeMess had commented "WOW" on my status update, I hadn't the foggiest idea what Facebook was talking about.
- Eating leftover buffalo chicken dip and SALAD and finishing our open bottle of red wine when we got home...pretended it was just a salad so I could still be on the skinny bitch diet.  I literally woke up Saturday morning and thought, "YES!  I resisted the urge to buy pizza tonight...I am SOOOO growing up!"  Oops...
- Talking to Senorita CalienteMess at 4:30am.  We had a 5min convo apparently.  The next morning at 8am I texted her to make sure she was safe...her reply, "I am here in my bed. WTF?"

Mom would be so proud...

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