Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Is Being a Spinster the New Black?

I was reading a Newsweek blog article titled "I Don't: The Case Against Marriage" , and even though I don't agree that marriage is an archaic, outdated institution on its way out- it DID make me feel so much better about my life and my decisions.  I mean, I am sure that I could have married my college "sweetheart" but given his penchant for philandering and given that I never received high marks in pre-school for "sharing"- I ran away as fast as my clearance rack stilettos would take me.  The article shares some VERY interesting facts- did you know the median age to get married in the us is 26 for females and 28 for males? And that every year you wait after that, the chances of divorce will go down.
Another article claims:
Women who get married before the age of 25 make up about 64 percent of all divorces in the U.S. On the other hand, women who get married in their late twenties make up only 16 percent of the divorces. This means that any woman who gets married before she turns 25 is about four times more likely to get a divorce. (Women in their 30s have even better odds of staying married.)
It's like we are all in one of those "Keep Your Hand on the Car" Contests- the last one to remove her hand, wins the grand prize.  Without knowing it, I have been steadfast in keeping my hand on that car.
YAY ME!  Without knowing it, I have been making solid decisions for my future marital happiness.  So next time my mom tells some strangers at the grocery store that she worries about me because I am not married yet- I will just tell her that she should be proud because I am less likely to be divorced than old "whats-his-face" that I dated in high school.

I want to get married makes having an incredibly active daily sex life a lot less slutty when it is just one person for the rest of your life.  I want to buy a house with a hot tub and a bar and a big TV and a yard with a fence (for outdoor "doing it" privacy) and live in it with someone beside my bitchy little rat dog.  I want to take vacations and have adventures with my best friend who also wants to jump my bones EVERY single day.

It is totally reasonable that I will one day find a man who thinks that my quirks are charming.  I mean, who wouldn't want a girl who has dance parties with her dog, who sometimes eats a bottle of wine for dinner instead of food, who forgets sunblock when laying out for 5 hours, who trips EVERY time she wears cuffed pants, who could talk about Twilight for hours one day and high level business strategy the next, who owns more pairs of shoes than books (hey! the public library is sort of an addiction...why buy when you can borrow germ-filled used books for free),  who idolizes Martha Stewart (but not enough to actually become domestic), who once drank so much she forgot how to read (hey- lean cuisine directions are hard!), and who is known to say WHATEVER is on her mind even when is is best to be locked in a secret vault.  I mean, he has to meet MY CRITERIA, too....but he is out there...right?

And every year that passes...we are more likely to last forever...right???


  1. I thought I'd share some advice with you!

  2. Loved it! And added a couple other "types" for ya... Mail Order Husbands and Retirement Home Residents. :)

  3. Horray! I love the idea of a "best friend who also wants to jump my bones EVERY single day. "
    haha, sounds perfect!

  4. I'm thinking that, in addition to the obvious fact that people under 25 are babies, the reason for the difference in rates is that people who get married early don't know what they want at the time. People who get married later tend to have more experience, so they know what they want and they know what they're getting into.

    I think it has more to do with that than age. For instance, if you get married at 28 to the second person you've ever actually dated, it's probably not a good sign.

  5. The thought I forgot to express is this: I feel like the best way to think of it is, if you don't spend a little time messing around with the "wrong" people for you, your chances of finding a best friend who always wants to bang you (awesome!) are slimmer.

    That's what I tell myself. It's true and it's also just the best way I can justify messing around with the wrong kind of girls.

  6. I thought I'd share some advice with you!

  7. Loved it! And added a couple other "types" for ya... Mail Order Husbands and Retirement Home Residents. :)



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