Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The Kardashian Scale of Weight Gain

PRE Confession...after re-reading this, I realize I have an unhealthy fixation with Keeping Up with the Kardashians....

I think I have identified a new universal scale to describe body type/weight gain & loss.
As the sliding scale goes, I think the new commonly understood language of Small-Med-Large is Kourtney-->Kim-->Khloe.


So I have become a little less Kim and a little more Khloe in the past year...not that I have ever looked like Kim with her ginormous tatas, but I do have some junk in my trunk and used to have a trim waistline.  I just lost my little waist and filled out into more of a sasquatch like Khloe beast.  Shit- I would even settle for a comparison to post-baby Kourtney.


Kim is clearly the hottest...duh!  I mean at least she gets made fun of the least on "The Soup." Also- she is curvy in a "real women have curves" kind of way, and not in that Mischa Barton got curves kind of way....ick.

I have come to accept that childbearing hips cannot be changed, unless of course I take the Heidi Montag bone shaving route...sick. But I feel like Kim's Pre-Trimspa or whatever miracle shit she took while she was starving herself body is attainable.  However, when you sometimes eat a half pizza at 3am and consume 10 drinks in one night or eat swedish fish for dinner and taco meat for breakfast, then you stop looking like Kim and move on to Khloe.




Khloe on the other hand gets made fun of on the reg for being a monster...I have become a monster!  I mean, she isn't THAT BAD... but no one besides Lamar Odin wants to hit that shit.  Wake up call!  The diets starts yesterday!! Well, really the diet started about 12 years ago...dammit!










And for girls so skinny they look like teenagers, you will be known as Kylie or Kendall. I don't think I ever was as skinny as these two even when I was 12 (Note: they ARE like 12, so I am NOT making fun of them...just girls who are over 20 who look like them)...so for this, they are not even on my scale of looks.

Just keep telling myself "Real women have curves...zero is not a size. "
Until then, I will continue to wear my too tight jeans to embarrass myself into sticking with this diet. And I will try to detox myself from this apparent new addiction to the Kardashian family...FML.

9 comments:

  1. love the kardashians! i am def going to keep up with your blog!

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  2. haha this is exactly how i see it too... the s, m, l. I always feel so bad for Khloe- especially since she's the one with the best personality- which I guess you need if you're the l in the s, m, l range... :(

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