Monday, June 28, 2010

REWIND: I Know What You Did Last Summer

So I was watching "I Know What You Did Last Summer" this weekend, and I feel like I learned so much more here in 2010 than I did in 1997.  I also had a deep conversation with Senorita CalienteMess about how reasonable it seems to stalk some kids if they hit you with their car and then threw you in a body of water to die...even after you reached out to them to steal a tiara.  If that happened to us, though, rather than a fisherman slicker and hat- we would dress in Gorilla suits and fashion weapons out of bananas or only kill people wearing yellow or something.  Things we would NOT do...Send anonymous notes.  I mean, I only check my mailbox like twice a month so it seems unreasonable to think that our threatening notes would be as scary as a random text from a pay as you go phone or ominous Facebook wall posts. And we would always avoid wearing overalls...not hot in any decade. (if you happen to know that I legitimately tried to rock these in middle school AND again in high school... I will blame photoshop if you ever uncover those pics)

For realsies tho, it takes some serious cojones to murder us...and if you aren't sure that we are dead before you toss us in the river...expect retaliation.

THINGS I LEARNED:
- Jennifer Love Hewitt's bangs could NOT have ever been attractive.  They just highlight her incredibly greasy forehead.  I mean, her bangs are consistently greasy! And her maxi skirts with keds are less flattering than those cellulite bikini pics.

- "Shitsmear" is a GREAT pet name for someone.
- If someone looks like this, they are not necessarily dead...do not under any circumstances throw him in a river.
 - Freddie Prinze Jr. has absolutely no muscle tone...but I would still ride him like a dime store pony.  And Ryan Phillippe is as hot as I remember him to be in Cruel Intentions...yum!
- Sarah Michelle Gellar had her priorities straight...when that dude above came back to life and stole her crown, she kicked him in the water and then made her drunk boyfriend dive in and wrestle it back from the LIVE hit and run victim.  Shit, if my high school pageant tiara had giant pearly seashells like that- I would have done the same.  But alas, my high school county fair pageant crown was shaped like a heart with a dangling tear drop rhinestone in the center....you're jealous, I know.

-It is absolutely unreasonable that anyone would wear a "slicker" on a SUNNY July 4th to watch a parade.
- Anne Heche is creepy as fuck
- NEVER get on a strangers boat...and if you see pictures of yourself and newspaper articles about your friends- just jump overboard.  There is NOWHERE to run, biotch.

3 comments:

  1. haha...believe it or not i had to read the book for class in middle school. my life's been messed up from the beginning

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  2. Haha. I didn't notice her bangs at the time. Just her cleavage. Which was all over the place. Or was that only in "I Still Know?"
    Btw I really appreciate you nominating me for that award. What award was it? Tell me about it in a message.

    ReplyDelete
  3. haha...believe it or not i had to read the book for class in middle school. my life's been messed up from the beginning

    ReplyDelete

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