Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Dealbreaker Wednesday: Da Return, Da Return

Back by popular demand (or really just my volleyball team talking about dealbreakers last week), I bring you Da Return of Dealbreaker Wednesday!  And again, I will add the disclaimer that these are beyond just socially acceptable reasons to end a relationship.  These are merely my most shallow turn offs that will prevent me from ever starting a relationship with a dude.  So for the men out there that fit this bill, I may accept a drink from you, but I will make fun of you the entire time I am drinking it.

  1. Doesn't like Napoleon Dynamite: Nappy D is one of my all time favorite movies...the subtle humor and trashy-fabulous clothing and trailers and hair styles make it a classic that I could watch again and again and again.  If you "don't get it" or think "I don't see what all the hype is about. I thought it was boring."  WELL- I think you are boring...so get that!
  2. Loves Sarah Palin: I tend to refrain from all political conversations as it often leads to people shouting obscenities and insulting each other for no good reason.  I have been told that I am "ignorant" because of how I choose to vote...by my long time family friend.  Basically politics bring out the worst in people every 4 years, and since I have friends on all sides of the political spectrum I try not to judge too harshly how anyone votes...that is until Sarah Palin came along.   I happen to reserve a special fiery, passionate distaste for her.  While she may be an interesting person, she holds little to no political merit.   She set women in politics back 20 years.  Anyhow, I digress.  So if a man is a fan of Sarah Palin, this tells me that he is less interested in the words coming out of a woman's mouth and more interested in bump its and skirt suits.  So, sir, if you want to get in a political discussion about Sarah Palin, be my guest. Just don't try to be my date.
  3. Plays Mafia Wars/Farm Games/Magical Powers Games on Facebook: It still amazes me how many people send me invitations to join their mafia, trade them a cow, or share a magical amethyst via Facebook.  I use Facebook to show all my old friends how COOL I am still...these games do the exact opposite in my mind.  They prove how much spare, wasted time you have on your hands.  I realize you miss "Magic The Gathering"- but good God, get a new hobby!
  4. Uses Poor Grammar:  While I am in no means the perfect proofreader, I do appreciate when people understand how to use the proper pronouns and verb tenses.  It shows that you care when you try to sound intelligent.  When people say things like, "I seen that show last night," or "I done that yesterday," or "Ain't no big deal," or "I am at there house," it makes me want to scratch my eyes out.  Intelligence is so sexy...sounding like an 8th grade dropout from Alabama is NOT.  I judge you when you use poor grammar. Sue me
  5. His Best Friend is His Mom: Mama's boys may seem like a good idea at first.  Thoughts like "Oh he treats his mom so well!  He really must respect women!" and "Isn't that cute that he and his mom have movie dates? Awww!" may seem reasonable at first.  But trust me, that bitch will never accept you.  As a female vying for her son's attention, she will cut you down and make your life miserable.  If I ever hear a man say, "Well the other day when I was having my weekly dinner date with my mom, and she said..."  I run for the fucking hills!  I have fought with way too many Monster-In-Laws to know- it is a losing battle when the Vagine he is trying to get into takes on the Vagine that he came out of.
  6. Still wears Abercrombie: You may be confused about this one, asking yourself, "Who still wears Abercrombie over the age of 22?"  I know- I was thinking the exact same thing when I saw the D-Bags at the bar wearing their giant A&F 1892 logo shirts, winking at me.  I mean, I love the idea of a younger man and strive to be a legit cougar one day, but a grown ass man in Abercrombie is on par with someone's grandma in a mini skirt...just don't do it.

1 comment:

  1. I agree with every single one of these. F'ing hilarious!!!

    ReplyDelete

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