Thursday, July 29, 2010

Drugstore FAILS

So under my new insurance I just paid $72 for birth control and I am not even sexually active (fail) ... That's how much I hate kids.*
 *Note: I don't hate ALL kids...just strangers' kids who insist on screaming at brunch before I have had my "hair of the dog cocktail" and kids who are loud and run around at inappropriate times...but I guess I mostly hate parents of those kids. I hate parents who take their children in bars and look at ME funny for yelling "FISTFUCK" loudly...I hate parents who take their children to nice restaurants where I only go as a treat to myself- as a young professional who works very hard to part with my money on a $40 botte of wine and a $20 entree.  And those little rats get to eat $12 mac & cheese before they can read? When I was little, we went to the Ground Round on "Pay What You Weigh" night...I'll never forget the night my meal cost more than 50cents...my brother accused me of getting too fat to feed...thanks asshole.  POINT BEING- I hate when children enter my world in places that I don't think they should be.  Places that are exempt from my dirty looks and scathing-under-my-breath commentary: their parents house, their grandparents house, a birthday party at a house (not mine), anywhere that I have very specifically invited them (not often, but it has happened!), toy aisles at various super stores, public library children's section, zoos, circuses, and Jonas Brothers concerts...other than that? CHECK PLEASE!

And I saw a cute guy changing a flat tire on his car and I was thinking of stopping to hit on him/pretend to offer help...then he bent over and the waistband of his "Be Mine" boxers popped out... FAIL...
Well done, insecure girlfriend, well done.  Mr. GayMess asked me why I wouldn't still go in for the kill because clearly the bar has been set really low from whoever bought those for him...but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

5 comments:

  1. I don't hate children, I just hate other people's children (for the most part). The worse are the people who bring their children clothes shopping and grocery shopping with them. One time I was in Macy*s and this 3 year old was tossing around Jessica Simpson heels and narrowly missed my friend's head. The parents (which included his mother and two other adults) just stared and laughed.

    I get it, you have to bring your kids out with you but you need to control them.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeah, that Birth Control ordeal is quite the speed bump. I used to pay about the same amount but I have a fantastic solution (if your health insurance is up for it).

    I got an IUD about four months ago. Ok, so maybe it didn't feel like a hug to get it inserted, but it's five or twelve (whichever you choose) YEARS of baby-free sex. And after the first two or three months, you basically have no menstrual flow because it tricks your body into thinking that it's already preggos.

    Anyway, I'm in love with it. So I like to spread the word as much as possible. Seriously, it's worth it if your insurance can cover it.

    Also, you're hilarious and I love your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Halle-fecking-lujia, where have you BEEN all my life, Mlle??

    Honestly, Starbucks is a sacred place. Keep your rugrats under control, will you please - I'm attempting to look pretentious as I type away on my laptop and sip my latte.

    Also, I really do love the fact that anyone (besides me) has reason to shout "fist fuck" in crowded spaces...

    B R I L L I A N T

    Much respect and a cheeky snog from across the pond.

    - B

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think you would really like Amy Alkon's book, I See Rude People". She has a great chapter about others' rude children.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yeah, that Birth Control ordeal is quite the speed bump. I used to pay about the same amount but I have a fantastic solution (if your health insurance is up for it).

    I got an IUD about four months ago. Ok, so maybe it didn't feel like a hug to get it inserted, but it's five or twelve (whichever you choose) YEARS of baby-free sex. And after the first two or three months, you basically have no menstrual flow because it tricks your body into thinking that it's already preggos.

    Anyway, I'm in love with it. So I like to spread the word as much as possible. Seriously, it's worth it if your insurance can cover it.

    Also, you're hilarious and I love your blog.

    ReplyDelete

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