Monday, July 19, 2010

Love Letters from Great Rappers: Volume 3


Friday night started with me arriving at home to find a cute little gift bag on my kitchen table with a little note saying "To Mommy, From Bitchy Little Rat Dog."  Inside this bag? SCHMIRNOFF ICE!  That bitch iced me!!  Well, it wasn't really Bitchy Little Rat Dog, but rather her Mommy #2, Senorita CalienteMess.  So Friday was a day of firsts...first time getting Iced and first time seeing MC Hammer!

MC Hammer was fucking phenom!  Old dude still has moves!  His performance was extra impressive given that he is now a minister. (He claims the "M.C." stands for "Man of Christ"...whatevs)  Then on Saturday, I went to an artsy event with friends to celebrate all types of Urban Art- including graffiti, break dancing, and freestyle rapping.  While there, I noticed a dude with a fresh fade + TRM shaved into his 'do.  TRM= The Rapping Minister. Coincidence?  MAYBE...but it got us wondering, "How common this transitioning from bustin' rhymes to praisin' hymns."  Madame MarriedMess reminded me about Rev Run and her husband offered up that Mase is also a minister now.  One day you are rapping about punching trick bitches, and the next Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior....all I have to say is- I bet those churches get CRUNK!

So I present you with Love Letters from Great Rappers Volume 3: The Rapping Minister Edition

In the words of Kurtis Blow (a.k.a Rap's FIRST superstar!) "The Breaks" on how to deal with a guy who lies and cheats:

You say last week you met the perfect guy
(That's the breaks, that's the breaks)
And he promised you the stars in the sky
He said his Cadilac was gold
But he didn't say it was ten years old
He tok you out to the Red Coach grill
But he forgot the cash and you paid the bill
And he told you the story of his life
But he forgot the part about...his wife! Huh! Huh!
Well, these are the breaks!
Break it up, break it up, break it up!
Break down!

In the words of MA$E "Feel So Good" on his insatiable appetite for ladies, and how ladies just love the bad boys
Ho's ride, get your nut 'till I can't get it up
I'm a big man, give this man room
I'd a hit everything, from Cancun to Grant's tomb
Bad, bad, bad, bad boy
You make me feel so good

In the words of Rev Run from Run DMC "It's Tricky" on losing interest when girls give it up too soon

I met this little girlie, her hair was kinda curly
Went to her house and bust her out, I had to leave real early
These girls are really sleazy, all they just say is please me
Or spend some time and rock a rhyme, I said "It's not that easy"

Honorable Mention goes to DMX for his short stint as a Preacher before his stint as a crackhead...and then his brief stint with MMA...he's like the Madonna of Rap, constantly evolving. So versatile!

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