Thursday, August 19, 2010

Drinking the Hater-ade

My boyfriend, Daniel Tosh, was on top of this trend MONTHS ago...but it wasn't until I was sleep deprived, PMSing, and fearing the BedBugs who go bump in the night that I started feeling the hate and annoyance bubble up inside of me until the Haterade started oozing out of my mouth.

So I now present you with....
 
"I Hate"

- I hate when people say, "I never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die." Guess what assfuck?  No chick loves a period, but what we especially don't love is your low IQ redneck ass saying shit like this...IN PUBLIC. It isn't even really blood, sicko.

- I hate camaros. Hillbilly corvettes, that's all.


- I hate washing my face before bed.  It makes it seem like it keeps me up forever...I realize that this is just pure laziness...but I still hate it.

- I hate changing lightbulbs that burn out...especially ones that require a ladder or unscrewing a lamp shade.  Laziness....I know.

- I hate the fake homeless people who wear coats in the summer while they are begging for money.  Its fucking hot! Why are you wearing a coat? I realize it is part of your costume, but it is just not practical.

- I hate when I hate my friends' boyfriend or girlfriend (or fiancee) and I can't say anything...just have to sit around and picture ways to gouge my own eyes out when they speak.

- I hate when pre-teen girls walk down the street and start inexplicably laughing because I always think they are laughing at me.  Paranoid? YES- but middle school girls are the fucking meanest people on the goddammed planet!  I survived that shit once...they bring back bad memories.

- I hate that carbs are bad for you...will someone please stop trying to cure a disease just long enough develop a pill that causes carbs to be slimming, PUH-LEASE?

- I hate parents who don't control their toddlers on airplanes...NO- I did not pay several hundred dollars for the "back massage" your little boy is giving me by kicking the shit out of my chair...and why should I bend over and pick up that damned toy? HE threw it, first!

- I hate that clothes always look better on skinny girls...fuck you fashion industry!

- I hate events that require women to wear suits: interviews, getting sued, or any work setting that requires it.  I hate suits and I haven't worn one in 6 years...

- I hate when people try to make women wear khakis and polo shirts...tucked in! That just is so wrong and so unflattering.

- And finally, I hate Lars Ulrich for fucking shutting down Napster.  That dude is a fucking loser. "Wah Wah, please stop stealing my music! Instead of making 22million dollars this year, I will only makes 21.5! WAAAAH!"  Fucking cry baby!


Ahhhhh.....much better!  (still hate fucking bed bugs though)

10 comments:

  1. I woke up in quite a good mood this morning, but now I've reached such an intense level of rage at parents who don't control toddlers, girls that laugh inexpicably and homeless people who wear coats in summer I think I'm close to a breakdown.

    The toddler thing annoys me so much. I understand that they're kids so you can't reason with them as you could reason with {most} adults, but do something. Bribe them with toys and sweets if you have to. Just shut them up.

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  2. I am in full agreement with you on the teenage girl thing - I always think I'm being laughed at!! Thought I was the only one!

    Also yes. Skinny clothes are annoying. Very, very annoying!

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  3. You're so pretty... And I love the new layout! Nice! Teach me, oh wise one!

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  4. haha! i totally agree with you-- middle school girls are the meanest people on the planet! Seriously- mean people!

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  5. My ex used to say the bleeds for a week and doesnt die thing all the time, and every time he said it, it was like he just invented this amazing new joke that no one had ever heard before. Douche.
    Thanks for writing this... lately I've been reminiscing about all the good times I had with him- even starting to MISS him, until now! Thanks for snapping me back to reality!

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  6. Haha! Thanks loves for the comments and rage...now that my PMS has passed, I feel much much more loving! ahhhhh! ;)

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  7. I hate it when men make comments about periods. I mean what the hell do they know about periods. I hate it if i'm in a mood and automatically my boyfriend will say "is it that time of the month?" URGGGH Give me strength!

    I think you might like my post on what guys should never say to a woman...

    http://theboyfrienddrama.blogspot.com/2010/08/10-things-man-should-never-say.html

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  8. My ex used to say the bleeds for a week and doesnt die thing all the time, and every time he said it, it was like he just invented this amazing new joke that no one had ever heard before. Douche.
    Thanks for writing this... lately I've been reminiscing about all the good times I had with him- even starting to MISS him, until now! Thanks for snapping me back to reality!

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  9. haha! i totally agree with you-- middle school girls are the meanest people on the planet! Seriously- mean people!

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  10. You're so pretty... And I love the new layout! Nice! Teach me, oh wise one!

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