This year, I have decided that since I have a very momentous birthday coming up (in 2 months)...where I have to officially admit that I am in my late twenties...28! (yes, that means that I have been pretending that 27 is mid twenties...shut up) I decided that the best gifts I can give myself are the ones that make me feel younger and hotter. In other words, this year for my birthday I am getting vain. WOO HOO!
Birthday Gifts I Am Giving Myself:
- A trip to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter (don't hate...I nerd out for Harry Potter. I just RE-read the final book so that I can be totally prepared for the movie when it comes out in November. And yes, I got a little choked up while reading a few parts and MAY have shed a tear...) Yes, this gift is more about FEELING younger- tapping into that inner child/nerd.
- An Avon cream to make me look 5 years younger...which is awesome because I may get confused with college students. Currently, when anyone asks me for my I.D., I say, "Thank you!" Because that shit is few and far between. At the Band of Horses concert when some dude who I had no intention of talking to asked me how old I was, I said 22. And he response? "There's no way you are 22....Ooops. I mean, SHIT!? I mean, you look great." Well, fuck you, dude. I WILL look 22 by the time my birthday rolls around or someone at Avon is getting a strongly worded letter.
- Longer eyelashes...I could not afford REAL Latisse so I went online and bought some bootleg Latisse from another country. Dangerous? Maybe. But when it looks like to black birds landed on my eyelids and are fluttering their beautiful feathery wings every time I blink...YOU, too, will be asking me which dark alley YOU can go in to procure cheap Latisse.
- Negative 10lbs. Now I know this may hard to believe considering I have been trying to lose 10lbs for like 10 years...BUT I don't care what I have to do, I WILL be skinny (relative to ME today....but don't compare me to anyone actually skinny) even if it means eating cayenne lemonade for 2 weeks Beyonce style. I even purchased my "risk free" 30 day supply of Sensa. (some new diet rip off I am sure...but I WILL be a skinny 28 year old...I will be a skinny 28 year old...I will be a skinny 28 year old...hmmmph)
And then, on my Super Hot 28th Birthday.... I will Marie Antoinette it up with some cake and champagne! Lots and lots of cake and champagne! (and likely gain back 15lbs of cake weight!)