Friday, August 6, 2010

You Might Be a Hautemess If...

Bad Decision Day #1: In lieu of working out and going to dinner, I made the following decision. Go to a grocery store, purchase 1.5lbs of cheese, 1 french baguette, Grapes, Cherries, and 2 bottles of wine. Bring back to hotel.  Steal silverware from the hotel restaurant. And fill my belly with brie and manchego and malbec.

Results: Karma is instant.  After stealing that silverware, I saw 3 hotel security guards.  When I went up to my room, my key didn't work.  I had it reprogrammed at the front desk (while still concealing stolen silverware), and it didn't work.  So I used the courtesy phone...they sent up hotel security.  It's like that fucking silverware was a homing device for security!  Well, after camping out for an hour in Madame MarriedMess's room...I became a magician.

Now you see it...

No you don't....

And kids, this is what a bad decision looks like- guess who's skipping breakfast and lunch tomorrow? (bad idea? YUP, exactly.)


This week's You Might Be a HauteMess If is brought to you by Madame MarriedMess...

You Might Be A HauteMess If...
You had a $160 tab at a bar with $1 drinks until 10pm...and you left by midnight.

You Might Be A HauteMess If...
You black out at a wedding reception that ended at 10:30.

You Might Be A HauteMess If...
You tell your cab driver, Jose, that you are saving his name as "H."

You Might Be A HauteMess If...
You exclaim, "I think there's a 'That's What She Said'  in a work meeting when someone is talking about cheese and says, "If the block doesn't fit all the way in the bag, some of it gets pretty hard." And everyone is completely silent...and moves on.


You Might Be A HauteMess If...
When asked if you have any HauteMess stories, your only response is, "Well, I stutter.  Ooh, ooh! And I trip a lot!

...and after interviewing her, I decided that THIS is the reason I am not and will never be married...only "nice" and not messy girls are marriage material.

8 comments:

  1. This post has made me hungry as hell!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I actually steal silverware ALL the time lol. My friend and I are doing it so if/when we get an apartment together we won't have to buy silverware.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Consuming large amounts of wine, cheese, and bread is my raison d'être! Bad decision yes, yummy decison? Also yes ;)

    xx,
    Delilah

    ReplyDelete
  4. Mmm...yes, I have consumed entire wedges of Brie cheese before.

    Calorie count is astronomical, but I find that if you allow it to melt slightly on the six pack of a "warmed" Spaniard (just to pick an ethnicity at random. Ahem.), the calories burned in consumption (and yes, the apres consumption) can very nearly balance out.

    Of course, some actrobatics are required, but that's for another discussion.

    - B

    ReplyDelete
  5. Damn. Must. Spell check. Comments.

    ((sigh))

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm glad someone else has this kind of luck - I'm pretty sure that if I stole silverware, there would have been some sort of magnetic emergency and wanding would ensue. And they'd catch me AFTER I had a sharp fork stuck in my bra for 45 minutes... (wow, I can imagine that a little too vividly... almost scary)...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Consuming large amounts of wine, cheese, and bread is my raison d'être! Bad decision yes, yummy decison? Also yes ;)

    xx,
    Delilah

    ReplyDelete
  8. Damn. Must. Spell check. Comments.

    ((sigh))

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails