Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Classic Quotes with Mr. GayMess

So while out on the town with Mr. GayMess, I found myself grabbing my phone to "email myself all the shit that was too good to forget."  Funny just pours out of his mouth, and I like to think he elevates my game, too!  At least he makes me think that I am very funny.  So I captured our conversation for your reading pleasure.

So just like Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy and Deep Questions with Mademoiselle HauteMess, I now present you with:
 "Classic Quotes" with Mr. GayMess

Upon entering a new bar in town, we noticed that they were playing MTV on all the TVs.
Mr. GayMess: "What's teen mom?"
Mlle HauteMess: "It's like Teen Wolf...except when they get drunk at prom they get pregnant instead of turning into a wolf."
While discussing our bitchy animal situation:
Mr. GayMess: "My cats terrorize me in the bathroom. Once I was on the toilet and my cat was meowing at me. Keep in mind that my feet are up on the poop stool your mother gave me.  And she jumped on my back and started clawing me. I was all like, 'NOOOO! That's not what I wanted.'"
(ed. note: yes, OF COURSE I paused the conversation to make him explain said "poop stool."  Supposedly it prevents hemorrhoids...I hope I never have to find out.)
While playing "Dueling Jukeboxes" with a $5 bill...Mr. GayMess's song comes on and it is Johnny Cash "Ring of Fire."  While listening, he exclaims:
Mr. GayMess: "I have never been able to listen to this song and not think about herpes.  That's why I think I like it.
While emailing to discuss Grindr jerks:
Mr. GayMess: "'An 18 year old who is 5'8" and 300 lbs and of "other" race, messaged me this evening with the following:  'Hello Daddy' - How should I respond?"
Mlle HauteMess: "Go to bed, son." ??
Mr. GayMess: "330lbs, sorry."
While reviewing the performance of "High" at Playhouse in the Park:
Mr. GayMess: "I always feel uncomfortable with excessive profanity, gay prostitutes and pedophilic intravenous drug use, nudity, and rape, in the company of hundreds of senior citizens.  But the play was good."
While discussing his purple perm:
Mr. GayMess: "What I'd really like to do is snuggle with someone on the couch and watch TV.  Since that's not an option, I'm going to get on Grindr, wait for people to say irritating/inappropriate things to me, then say really rottenly sarcastic things back at them before blocking them." 
Forget what Forrest Gump says about life being like a box of chocolates- having conversations with Mr. GM and I is like opening Chinese Fortune Cookies that were handwritten by both 7 year olds and crack addicts coming down from their high...You really have no fucking clue what you are going to get! And I wouldn't have it any other way!

5 comments:

  1. This is exactly why I love having friends that are insane as myself, it usually leads to conversations much like those. I can only thank you for sharing his and your awesomness.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Fuck Forrest Gump and chocolate! Well, okay maybe not chocolate. But this is WAY better!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is exactly why I love having friends that are insane as myself, it usually leads to conversations much like those. I can only thank you for sharing his and your awesomness.

    ReplyDelete

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