I am such a fucking baby when I am sick...and my incessant deep-seeded desire to be a totally independent woman only makes it worse.
I hate that I have such amazing friends who find out I am sick and are all like, "Can I bring you anything? Soup? Medicine? Let me know and I will be there for you!" This sounds nice, of course. But the reality is that it just reminds me what a huge bitch I am because they have all told me how sick they are and I'm usually all like, "Man, sucks to be you. Call me in 3-5 days when the incubation period is over."
So when people ask me how they can help, I do the normal thing...LIE. I say something clever like, "Thank you so much, but I have everything I need here." or "Senorita CalienteMess already promised to pick that up." (note: I have never asked her to pick it up...see? super clever.)
Unfortunately this scenario usually ends up with me wearing sweatpants and a snuggie on my couch, asking Bitchy Little Rat Dog why she doesn't love me enough to buy me some cough medicine. And then inevitably, my cough gets so bad that I succumb to my desire for Nyquil and run out to the nearest CVS. Except I don't feel like changing out of my sweats, but I also don't want to look like a slob...so I just throw on a designer sweater over my sweat pants, slip on my dress shoes from work, and drive up to the pharmacy. I call it my Business Casual meets Herione Chic look.
If I had a boyfriend, I could have made HIM do it...save myself the eventual embarrassment of running into someone I know looking like I slept over at a college boy's dorm room last night.
If I allowed a friend to pick up meds for me, it would go something like this:
"Oh gee, thanks...Yes. I DID ask for vitamins...but what I meant to say was that I wanted GUMMY vitamins. It's ok...no really. It's the thought that counts. And yeah- I did say Nyquil, but I don't like the green kind. I only drink the red flavor. No no...no need for another trip. You have done enough for me already. Thanks so much!" *garbage can lid rings and I toss the bag o' goodies*
BUT if it were a BOYFRIEND, he would definitely already know the drill and call me from the store aisle so I could be like:
"Ooh yeah, I want the gummy vitamins and cherry cough meds and popcicles and sour patch kids and coke zero and a book of crosswords and surprise me with something with glitter- anything sparkly! Or with feathers. Hurry over! OH- and can you rent 'Mean Girls' from Blockbuster too? Isn't McDonald's drive thru next door? Yep- $1 sundae, please! Promise I'll be good to you as soon as I am less contagious."
See the difference? Instead, I run to CVS looking like a hobo who went to the nice Goodwill. By the time I get home, Senorita CalienteMess asked me why I was chugging Nyquil.
"Are you kidding? What else am I going to do home alone? I plan to get high enough to make up for the fact that I can't drink while I am sick."
BOOM! Roasted. Effing single life.