So...as soon as I say that I broke things off with Mr Fair Gaydy, I decided to invite him over, while drunk on slim fast and vodka, to tell him I think he is gay and make out. Brilliant? Yes. Thank you.
I also, drunkenly accepted a date with a 23 year old that I later found out was also listed on gay dating sites and Mr. GayMess had ranked him 4 out of 5 stars, as well. When I decided it would be a good idea to send him a message, asking the following:
I do have one question though- my friend thinks you look super familiar... are you by any chance on any gay dating sites? If not, do you have any friends/enemies who would have posted your pics to OK Cupid and listed you as interested in men?To which I received an IMMEDIATE REPLY on my iPhone...
To which I REPLIED:
WTF??? Why do I only meet gay boys on OK Cupid? And better yet- why in GOD'S NAME DID I INVITE MY FAIR GAYDY TO MY HOUSE TO PLAY SCRABBLE tonight while consuming nothing but slim fast and vodka?? I literally told him that I think he is gay. And when he said he wasn't- I ARGUED WITH HIM. And then made out with him. (please note: food consumed prior to said events (over the course of 9hours) = 1/4 cup of cottage cheese, 1 piece of string cheese, 1 dannon greek yogurt, 3 slim fast & 100 proof vodkas....)
It's cool, I am legally changing my name to HauteMess. No big deal.
Need more proof that my legal name should be HauteMess? Let me just copy and paste (no edits, just a straight up copy and paste job) some emails I wrote TO MYSELF from my own bed at 3am on a Monday morning:
Email # 1: 2:24AM 9/20/10
"I woke up wearing a 3 wolf moon t shirt and a distinct feeling that ok cupid is a disaster. From the bisexual 23 yer old to the makeout session with my fair gaydy- after telling him I figured he was gay... No good can come from a site that allows people to determine their own strengths. I am a fucking mess and it allowed me to pretend to be cool! So there."
Email #2: 2:47AM 9/20/10
"As white town, I could never be your woman emerges triumphantly from my iPhone- I can only hope my roommate hears it and thinks- Oh Gawd! Save her from herself!!!"
Email #3: 3:04AM 9/20/10
"And remnants of your self applied monacle and mustache tattoos are still on your hands" (yes I took a sharpie and drew a monacle tattoo on the inside of my left hand and applied a temporary tattoo of a mustache on the inside of my right index finger...its still somewhat visible. And yes, I think I wrote that to myself in the style of "You Might Be a HauteMess If...)
p.s. Need more proof? remind me to just rip off the bandaid and tell you later about how I called and spoke to The Narcissist and Mr. Ballsy on Friday night.