Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Things I Hate: Diet Edition

We now interrupt your regularly scheduled dive into the special education level love life of Mademoiselle HauteMess to bring you more "SHIT I HATE: Diet Edition."


I hate that water isn't delicious. 
It is apparently the miracle drug responsible for being beautiful, healthy, and not fat...but as a true American child of the 80's- I crave Kool-Aid like drinks and Coca-Cola.  Those are thirst quenching.  All those people who "pretend" that water is yummy are smoking crack pipes in my book.  SUGAR is yummy!  Water tastes like nothing.  That would be like me saying that "air is just so satisfying! I am so content just breathing all this delicious air." But I will never stop drinking Crystal Light and Coke Zero and Diet Mountain Dew...so eff me.


I hate watching people eat pizza and cupcakes on TV.
This is apparently all I think about these days...pizza and cupcakes, cupcakes and pizza.  I would seriously give my left leg for the ability to eat pizza and cupcakes all day every day without ever being fat.  (and can I please give a shout out to a lovely blogger who makes me want to gnaw on my mac book everytime she updates her blog!  I want to roll around in those cupcakes, doll! Next time i am in Brighton- I will come in your store and body slam some of those cupcakes!)  But for now, I will continue to walk upright, using both legs...without the cupcakes and pizza in my lunchbox. (If I ever have twins, I want to name them after my two favorite frosting ingredients, Lard & Butter)

I hate people with naturally fast metabolisms.
I am normally not a fan of stealing- being one of the 10 Commandments and all - but if it were possible to thieve someone's metabolism(perhaps a 16 year old boy's), I would pull an Ocean's 11-like heist on that bitch.  See above for my reasoning why....

I hate that Padma Lakshmi and Giada DeLaurentiis are so fucking gorgeous and eat food made with real oil, butter, and sugar. 


And I hate that Heidi Klum has 4 kids and looks better than me even when I was an overdeveloped 14 year old.   But I love each one of these ladies...I just hate their metabolisms...see above.

Weight Loss Update: So far I have lost 7lbs...7 hard earned lbs.  I am in fact so close to my goal of 10 that I have now upped the ante to lose 15 before my 28th birthday...so please bare with my afternoon cravings turned rage against the metabolism tirade! :)

P.S. I also hate that when I went to the gym this morning (for the first time since February) the smell of IHOP was wafting around my nose as I walked out...cruelly taunting me...eff!

11 comments:

  1. I know what you mean! My friend has the most unhealthy eating habits (candy all the time, full, hearty meals at midnight). You can probably count on one hand the amount of times she's worked out in her life. But her extremely fast metabolism burns all of that junk food right out of her and she's a size 2 and looks gorgeous.

    The world is a cruel place.

    Congrats, though, on nearly reaching your weightless goals!

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  2. Good for you! Keep it up and it will all pay off in the end. I find chocolate and booze kill me...and who doesn't love cupcakes?!

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  3. If there is a way to steal someone's metabolism, and you happen to figure it out, please let me know. I'll be checking your webpage every five seconds until that moment arrives.

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  4. Right there with you - I can't stand water. I know it's good for me, and my body needs it... blah, blah, blah. But why can't it taste better, dammit?

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  5. Firstly, IHOP shouldn't be allowed to exist. At all. It is f*cking cruel and unusual punishment, if you ask me. Particularly for women.

    Second - well done on the weight loss, babes! know how good it feels to achieve those goals and how f*cking brilliant it is to fit into clothes that you couldn't only weeks ago.

    You'll score yourself that harem soon enough (though I suspect you always could have).

    - B x

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  6. There is always time to diet.... when your dead!

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  7. I totally agree... those obnoxious female chefs and TV personality hosts who lick their fingers after eating Hardee's yet are still thinner than I will be even AFTER I spend two weeks six feet under are terrible. And we should sit on them and make them eat real butter and lard because I feel like they end up eating the styrofoam versions on TV for show. Because let's face it, we don't want to cook yummy stuff that might turn us into the 1,000 pound man...

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  8. Good work losing 7 pounds!!

    And I revel in cooking shows where they make cupcakes and pies and all the tasty stuff, I've so far missed any cooking shows that actually cook without the excess of carbs. Damn skinny, hot, self-controlled chefs.

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  9. Good work losing 7 pounds!!

    And I revel in cooking shows where they make cupcakes and pies and all the tasty stuff, I've so far missed any cooking shows that actually cook without the excess of carbs. Damn skinny, hot, self-controlled chefs.

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  10. There is always time to diet.... when your dead!

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  11. If there is a way to steal someone's metabolism, and you happen to figure it out, please let me know. I'll be checking your webpage every five seconds until that moment arrives.

    ReplyDelete

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