Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Deep Thoughts with 18 Year Old Mademoiselle HauteMess

Last night, while catching up with an old friend- we started talking about how different our lives are at age 28 vs. what we assumed they would be like when we were 18. I was reminded of a “theory” I had…a manifesto on life, if you will. Below, I present you with my manifesto- written through the eyes of an 18 year old HauteMess. (ed. note: I was a fucking moron at age 18)
The Year is 2000.  I just turned 18.  This is my future plan.
So, I like made a pact with my best friend to get married in the future, in case we are still single at an embarrassingly old age. So the plan is, if we are not already engaged or married on October 3, 2010- we get engaged. Then we will have a 1 year engagement- to allow time to fall in love and plan a dream wedding. I would ideally like 18months to plan this extravaganza, BUT it is more important to me to get married on November 11, 2011 because 11/11/11 is a badass anniversary. Even though he is an Atheist, he has agreed to have a Catholic ceremony as long as I promise to be kinky on the honeymoon….whatever that means! Guess I should register for handcuffs.
(ed. note: on October 3, 2010 we will have both just turned 28…that was my idea of the embarrassing “age to just give up.” Holy shit…)

I mean, we all know that life ends at age 28. It is all downhill after that, so we might as well get married then and start spawning. I would like to get married at 28 and travel with my husband for 2 years before having children. Then I would like to have my first child at age 30 and my second child at age 32 and then close up shop. (ed. note: I apparently was not so good with math…having a baby includes 9 months of pregnancy, moron!) Then we can retire at age 50 and travel the world some more. 

W-O-W! As you can tell, I very clearly grew up in small town Indiana….LIFE ENDS AT 28?? My life is just beginning. And I have more than 2 years worth of travel that I want to do…assuming that I still need to hold down a job to pay for such travel. I apparently was deluded and assumed the following are true:
  • It is easy to “fall in love” as long as you give yourself 1 year
  • Kinky = Handcuffs
  • Getting pregnant is easy (at least it was for teens in Indiana)
  • Getting pregnant is predictable- you can choose when and how many you want.
  • 2 years of travel would satisfy all wonderlust
  • 28 = OLD

Thank God that I got out of that small town. The End.


  1. I had the idea that I'd be engaged at 24, married at 26 and have my first child at 28. Uh, ya. That didn't happen. But my God, I'm still a child myself - there is NO WAY I could have a baby (or a husband for that matter) right now.

  2. hahaha! I had that same pact with my male bf, but ours is when we turn 30 and NO kids will be involved. Ahhh good times, good times. I'm glad I moved out of my microscopic town

  3. Haha! Good call on getting out of that town, then.

    Lately, I've been reflecting on how little I've changed... as in, despite my desire for it not to be the case, I've still got the same basic skillsets as I did when I was younger. Ie still not good at counting things. So I guess I've been giving my younger self a break.

    True story, though: When I was 20, I made a pact with a friend that we'd get married if we were still single at 25. 25. I seriously can't remember why the hell I ever thought that made sense.

  4. Not entirely sure you (or any good Christian) could handle a summary of where I thought my life would be at 28, btu suffice it to say I almost got there.

    If onyl those gymnastics lessons had paed off in my youth..


    Let;s talk more about the kinky athiestm shall we? Cuz I find him interesting.

    - B x



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