The Year is 2000. I just turned 18. This is my future plan.
So, I like made a pact with my best friend to get married in the future, in case we are still single at an embarrassingly old age. So the plan is, if we are not already engaged or married on October 3, 2010- we get engaged. Then we will have a 1 year engagement- to allow time to fall in love and plan a dream wedding. I would ideally like 18months to plan this extravaganza, BUT it is more important to me to get married on November 11, 2011 because 11/11/11 is a badass anniversary. Even though he is an Atheist, he has agreed to have a Catholic ceremony as long as I promise to be kinky on the honeymoon….whatever that means! Guess I should register for handcuffs. (ed. note: on October 3, 2010 we will have both just turned 28…that was my idea of the embarrassing “age to just give up.” Holy shit…)
I mean, we all know that life ends at age 28. It is all downhill after that, so we might as well get married then and start spawning. I would like to get married at 28 and travel with my husband for 2 years before having children. Then I would like to have my first child at age 30 and my second child at age 32 and then close up shop. (ed. note: I apparently was not so good with math…having a baby includes 9 months of pregnancy, moron!) Then we can retire at age 50 and travel the world some more.
W-O-W! As you can tell, I very clearly grew up in small town Indiana….LIFE ENDS AT 28?? My life is just beginning. And I have more than 2 years worth of travel that I want to do…assuming that I still need to hold down a job to pay for such travel. I apparently was deluded and assumed the following are true:
- It is easy to “fall in love” as long as you give yourself 1 year
- Kinky = Handcuffs
- Getting pregnant is easy (at least it was for teens in Indiana)
- Getting pregnant is predictable- you can choose when and how many you want.
- 2 years of travel would satisfy all wonderlust
- 28 = OLD
Thank God that I got out of that small town. The End.