What I do not love, however, is the fucking anxiety of traveling between cities for projects- the airlines are just not reliable enough and I am not smart enough to pack a carry on bag with important things in it. I have had my luggage lost just enough times to know better. BUT- as soon as I became a Silver Medallion on Delta, I got all uppity and was like, "Ooh! Free check bags? Sky priority? Fucking done!"
That plan has worked all of 2 months...and now here I am, arriving in Tampa at 1am, but my luggage was all like, "Hey bitch! We want to go to Paddy's Pub. We are staying in Philly. Check ya on the flip side!!"
I must interact with clients tomorrow. Important clients with great style and hygiene. What's a girl to do? Obvi! Ask for the nearest 24hour Wal Mart at the Hertz rental car desk.
The following statement ACTUALLY came out of my mouth tonight when talking about where I am going to buy my CLOTHING FOR WORK TOMORROW- "I really hope its a Super Walmart!"
SURPRISE! This WalMart was located directly in between 3 different strip clubs- including "2001: A Strip Odyssey." (kudos to them on the use of sci fi with stripping!) Once I arrived at WalMart, I was overwhelmed with anxiety and exhaustion when I walked into the Construction/CSI Nightmare that is a Florida Wal Mart and made some BAD decisions.
I basically pulled a Lloyd Christmas and "only bought the essentials." Essentials apparently include:
- 1 Jersey Shore Logo Tee shirt to sleep in
- 1 Basic gray shirt to wear with my filthy jeans
- 1 Men's belt to hold up my filthy stretched out jeans (I absolutely could not find a ladies' belt section!)
- 3 Size GRANNY panties. Wal Mart does not sell Thongs and they do not sell less than a 3-pack of underwear. I forgot to look at the sizes...I was so underwhelmed that I just grabbed and ran...SIZE 8. Oops!
- 1 Cover Girl Lash Blast Mascara (this IS my version of crack. I cannot leave my home without it...i NEED it!)
- 1 Toothbrush
- 1 Face powder (no foundation...fuck!)
- 1 Blush
- 1 Eye lash curler (hey, the latisse is working and i need to wrangle these bad boys somehow!)
- 1 Rollerball undereye concealer that depuffs and hides dark circles (need I remind you that I will only get 4 hours of sleep tonight)
- 1 Deodorant in a Blueberry White Tea scent (maybe I was also a little hungry at the time)
When I got home and put on the new granny panties that are 2 sizes too big and the basic work shirt that is 1 size too small and the MENS belt...I might as well have just purchased a giant cowboy hat, a pinwheel, and some beer because there is no way that anyone can take me seriously tomorrow/this morning since it is 2am. (As I type, laying in bed in my new Jersey Shore Logo Tee!)
Wish me luck!