Friday, October 15, 2010
Guess Who’s An Adult Now? (Retraction To Be Printed Later)
I turned 28 this month! I know, I know, I look great for my age, it’s hard to believe I am a day over 27. This year, on my actual birthday- I had a very dichotomous 24 hour period ranging from behaving like a 21 year old at the bar for the first time to becoming MY MOTHER. From throwing up, to growing up.
I had a wedding to attend on my actual birthday so I asked Senorita CalienteMess to invite the A Team to a private dinner party first and then a public shit show at the local Karaoke watering hole the night before my birthday. My super awesome plan (same plan as every year since I turned 21) was to take shots at midnight celebrating my actual birthday. FOILED AGAIN! At exactly12:01am, the bar manager Iced me, and I nearly threw up on a karaoke dance floor. Let’s just say that the shots of Patron and Jameson didn’t feel like hanging out with the Schmirnoff. I begged a ride home and passed out.
I woke up the next morning, mentally prepared for my 4 hour drive by myself to yet another wedding that I didn’t get a ‘Mademoiselle HauteMess AND GUEST’ invite. By the time I arrived, I was running on fumes. Fumes made of coconut water, Dunkin Donuts Coffee, and Wendy’s 5-piece nugget. (It was my fucking birthday- Dukan be damned!!)
The wedding was magical- picturesque outdoor ceremony, shrimp and grits main course (fucking YUM!), open bar, and an 80s cover band. Consider me a happy birthday girl. Every slow song, the singe ladies would gather at the bar for a shot of tequila and some raunchy toast. (“Here’s to acting single, seeing double, and sleeping triple” may have been repeated several times that night!) And THEN…the worst thing possible happened. I.GREW.UP.
At 11:30, we boarded the buses back to the hotel, and everyone was making plans to go out. I have heard that Nashville is a great bar scene, and people were finally ready to shower me with birthday attention. But then, I heard my mother’s voice in my head saying, “You keep up all this partying and you are going to make yourself sick.” Then I started thinking about the long drive home on Sunday and how hungover I had been all day…and how tired I was. So I washed my face, applied my fake Latisse and my Avon cream, and climbed into bed at midnight.
That was the moment I became a real adult.
Then the next morning, as I promised I would- I ate Hardee's Breakfast on my way home...and it was GLORIOUS!