Friday, October 15, 2010

Guess Who’s An Adult Now? (Retraction To Be Printed Later)


I turned 28 this month! I know, I know, I look great for my age, it’s hard to believe I am a day over 27. This year, on my actual birthday- I had a very dichotomous 24 hour period ranging from behaving like a 21 year old at the bar for the first time to becoming MY MOTHER. From throwing up, to growing up.

I had a wedding to attend on my actual birthday so I asked Senorita CalienteMess to invite the A Team to a private dinner party first and then a public shit show at the local Karaoke watering hole the night before my birthday. My super awesome plan (same plan as every year since I turned 21) was to take shots at midnight celebrating my actual birthday. FOILED AGAIN! At exactly12:01am, the bar manager Iced me, and I nearly threw up on a karaoke dance floor. Let’s just say that the shots of Patron and Jameson didn’t feel like hanging out with the Schmirnoff. I begged a ride home and passed out.

I woke up the next morning, mentally prepared for my 4 hour drive by myself to yet another wedding that I didn’t get a ‘Mademoiselle HauteMess AND GUEST’ invite. By the time I arrived, I was running on fumes. Fumes made of coconut water, Dunkin Donuts Coffee, and Wendy’s 5-piece nugget. (It was my fucking birthday- Dukan be damned!!)

The wedding was magical- picturesque outdoor ceremony, shrimp and grits main course (fucking YUM!), open bar, and an 80s cover band. Consider me a happy birthday girl. Every slow song, the singe ladies would gather at the bar for a shot of tequila and some raunchy toast. (“Here’s to acting single, seeing double, and sleeping triple” may have been repeated several times that night!) And THEN…the worst thing possible happened. I.GREW.UP.

At 11:30, we boarded the buses back to the hotel, and everyone was making plans to go out. I have heard that Nashville is a great bar scene, and people were finally ready to shower me with birthday attention. But then, I heard my mother’s voice in my head saying, “You keep up all this partying and you are going to make yourself sick.” Then I started thinking about the long drive home on Sunday and how hungover I had been all day…and how tired I was. So I washed my face, applied my fake Latisse and my Avon cream, and climbed into bed at midnight.

That was the moment I became a real adult.

Then the next morning, as I promised I would- I ate Hardee's Breakfast on my way home...and it was GLORIOUS!

7 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday! For the record I don't believe a word of it and if you really have grown up will your blog now becme full of avon reviews and knitting tips? ;) x x x

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm really proud of you. You're becoming a woman. And I love your taste in drunk food: donuts, Hardee's, and Wendy's.

    What about Taco Bell? Will that be on your radar during your 28th year of life?

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  3. Happy happy belated birthday! My 28th birthday is on the horizon too. I know exactly what you mean in your tales of woe and wildness above. I still love to party but I can't party like I used to and I don't want too. (not all the time anyways :-)). But hey, at least we know that if WE DO get a little crazy, we still got it and we can still steal the show. And there are still people that will love us even if we puke on a karoke floor (or outside their car in my case). Cheers, T!
    www.themarathonsmistress.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ugh. Being hungover at a wedding is no fun. That has happened to me way too often lately (Thank God wedding season is finally over). I unfortunately have not learned how to grow up - despite the fact that I'm older than you. I'm still trying to come to terms with the whole growing up thing.

    But seriously, what is up with single woman NOT being invited to weddings with guests? It really pisses me off for the following reasons:
    1. When I get married, I will obviously have to invite the COUPLE who just got married to my wedding (although my wedding may never happen so maybe they are counting on that OR they could by then be part of the half of the world that is divorced and I will take full pleasure in inviting said friend as SINGLE FRIEND and no plus one)!
    2. I'm not going to bring a date just to bring a date - I don't want to baby-sit - so just help my ego by inviting me with PLUS ONE and you can be assure that I'm going to accept as little old single me
    3. I have been invited as a single person despite the fact that at different times, I'd been dating a guy for a LONG time - he just happened to live in another country (and for the record so did ). Then the same rule as above should apply. He is most likely not going to come (said country being China and all) so... let me just politely decline.

    Ok. I think I'm done with my rant now.

    BTW - I gave your blog an award. Stop by and check it out if you get a min.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Happy Birthday! And btw Nashville does have an amazing bar scene- you should check it out sometime!!

    P.S. I stole your toast and facebooked it... sorry but that is awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Happy happy belated birthday! My 28th birthday is on the horizon too. I know exactly what you mean in your tales of woe and wildness above. I still love to party but I can't party like I used to and I don't want too. (not all the time anyways :-)). But hey, at least we know that if WE DO get a little crazy, we still got it and we can still steal the show. And there are still people that will love us even if we puke on a karoke floor (or outside their car in my case). Cheers, T!
    www.themarathonsmistress.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

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