I found out the Police Radio Scanners still exist. SCORE!
Now I know this sounds strange- but work with me here. I grew up in a small town in Indiana...old people didn't have TVs, they had police scanners. It was nightly entertainment to hack into the radio waves from dispatch to the cars, and because it was such a small town where everyone knows your address- it was like USWeekly, but real time. USWeekly, Reality TV, and local news station all in one. I find it comforting to think of my 80 year old babysitter sitting in her kitchen peeling apples for a pie, while her husband sits at the table smoking, doing a crossword while the police scanner chirps and bellows in the background. Now I usually would rather listen to music and scan online gossip sites - but last night, for the first time ever, I saw 8 cop cars in some sort of road block and all I could think was, "I wish they still had those scanners! If they do, maybe I'll ask for one for Christmas." Turns out, they exist...and if they have battery operated ones, I will be tuning in from my car, chasing sirens all over the city for my REALLY REALITY TV-Like entertainment.
A 23 year old (I know...I know...) told me that he thought I was 21 or 22 years old...he was SHOCKED that I am 28. So HA! That effing Avon night cream IS working, bitches!
The most crack-ilicious dessert known to mankind is sitting in my fridge right now...The Cheesecake Factory Pecan Pie Pumpkin Cheesecake! Today is my dad's 63rd birthday...and to celebrate, I bought him my favorite dessert. I know! My thoughtfulness knows no bounds. But this thing is like someone
I can now Whip My Hurr Back and Forth in style with my new (50% off) fake hair piece made by Jessica Simpson! Don't judge. Hollywood bitches always look fabulous like they have luscious manes that are thick and shiny and down to their mid back. My stylist informed me that those are mostly wigs- that they colors they dye their hair and the flat irons and damage prevent them from having the kind of hair that tickles your ass cheeks. Since that day, I vowed to one day have movie star hair...gawdy, long, fake Hollywood hair And now, it is mine! All mine...and 50% off to whip my hair like Willow Smith.
Not to mention that Harry Potter comes out tonight at midnight, I am participating in the Slurring Bee at 9pm, AND I am having a good hair day! May you all have a hurr whippin', fat kid cake eatin', spyin' on neighbors, passin' for a 21 year old kind of day!