Friday, November 19, 2010

Happy HauteMess Friday!

Thank God Its Effing Friday!  This is the first (second) day of a 10 day Thanksgiving bender.  I already know its going to be a shit show of epic proportions- so I am preemptively drafting some "You Might Be A HauteMess" statements as my predictions for how the next 10 days will turn out for me! ;)



SLURRING BEE RECAP

You Might Be A HauteMess If... 
You make it to the final round of the Slurring Bee (5 shots and 'secretary,' 'weird,' 'kismet,' and 'priapism' later) only to spell "Galifianakis" wrong! For shame. (but for real, after 5 shots, how would I remember that extra 'a'??)

HAUTEMESS THANKSGIVING PREDICTIONS


You Might Be A HauteMess If...
You drink so much wine that you burn your Turkey at "Practice Thanksgiving" and order pizza instead.

You Might Be A HauteMess If...
You go from wearing an evening gown to an Opera Gala to wearing a bikini body tee shirt to a Rock & Roll Music Awards Show in the same weekend.

You Might Be A HauteMess If...
Antoine Dodson falls in love with you when you meet him at Mynt Martini the Monday before Thanksgiving...you can run and tell that, homeboy!


You Might Be A HauteMess If...
Your entire family gets kicked out of a bar for "excessive celebration" when you dominate Trivia Night.  You then take your hubris to a karaoke bar.
You Might Be A HauteMess If...
You call your uncle a mother fucker when he deals himself a winning hand in Euchre. (hey, trash talk is totes acceptable while playing cards...we are a competitive brood!)

You Might Be A HauteMess If...
You dress as a pilgrim for the annual "Pilgrims & Indians" party, make out with an Indian, and then shout "HAHA! You have small pox now, bitch!"
AND a special thanks to readers for emailing me their "You Might Be A HauteMess" stories to misshautemess@gmail.com.  Keep them coming!!

You Might Be A HauteMess If...
You make out with a boy, pause to barf, and pick back up where you left off later that night.

You Might Be A HauteMess If...
You are the boy in the story above!

You Might Be A HauteMess If...
You are accused of being an expensive hooker on your "walk of shame."

5 comments:

  1. I now have a serious urge to throw a Pilgrims and Indians Party. More so because I have a thing for Daniel Day Lewis in The Crucible. Thanks for commenting on my blog by the way! I am back from Europe and have only self depricating stories to show for it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The pilgrim one is hilarious! I can't wait to hear your Thanksgiving updates!

    xx,
    Delilah

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love the Thanksgiving has the label tag of "drinking holiday". too funny!!

    New follower here...can't wait to read more.

    www.katsplaybook.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love the Thanksgiving has the label tag of "drinking holiday". too funny!!

    New follower here...can't wait to read more.

    www.katsplaybook.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. The pilgrim one is hilarious! I can't wait to hear your Thanksgiving updates!

    xx,
    Delilah

    ReplyDelete

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