Monday, November 29, 2010

HauteMess Holiday Gift Guide: 2010

Only 25 more shopping days until Christmas!! When shopping for presents, I follow one simple rule for Christmas: "When in doubt, buy them something hilarious that I would want."  Last year, this included (but wasn't limited to): fake mustaches, a book titled "How To Be Innapropriate," and bacon bandaids.

During Christmas Season, I find it painful to shop for others and completely exclude myself from fun...especially since I am guaranteed to get nothing but used Lancome makeup from my Grandma and some "adorable" (read: hideous 7th grader) outfit my mom found on the clearance rack at Dillards.  After years of consistent disappointment, I began compiling a Wish List.  I even addressed it "To Santa" when emailing it to my family members.  (how else do you think I procured a My Little Pony sleeping bag as an adult woman? THE LIST!)

So in case you either want to buy ME a gift or perhaps you just know someone who is completely awesome...I have decided to share the wealth of awesome gift ideas with:

THE HAUTEMESS HOLIDAY GIFT GIVING GUIDE: 2010 (click on the pics for links to online stores carrying these delightful goodies)

For the Mustache Fanatic:

I have been fascinated with fake mustaches since last winter...and obviously I was onto something really big because mustaches are EVERYWHERE this year...from snowglobes to pillowcases to the creepy guy sipping on the red slurpee outside of your local Seven Eleven, it is definitely the Year of The Mustache.  As a Mac Book gal, I have already placed my order for this sweet gift- because nothing says, "I came to party" more than a montage of amazing mustache decals pasted to your work laptop.

For the Lazy Wine Enthusiast:
I find it so annoying to balance snacking and drinking and holding a remote control.  I have little patience for setting my wine glass down on a table only to bend back down and pick it up.  What's better than a third hand? A plate that holds your wine while you gorge on cheese!!!  I picked up 8 of these bad boys for my brother and his wife this Christmas...largely because we tend to drink and eat a lot of fancy cheese during this is really just a gift for me that I will keep at their house.

For the Pre Teen in All of Us:

Why use picture frames or magnets when you can display your pictures, birthday cards, wedding invitations, and other shit you should be proud of using CHRISTMAS LIGHTS!  But refashion those lttle lights into "clothes pins" and you have yourself a non-denominational, year round novelty that every girl who secretly wishes her room was a little more fun can enjoy.

For The Coffee Table Intellectual:
These books are designed to dazzle your guests with stunning visuals of families with low levels of self awareness and witty quips to verbally slay your opponents.  Reading these while relaxing in your home will make any new guest feel totally at ease when they verbally assault you for forgetting to put cream in their coffee. Other titles to consider are "Breaking Bad News with Baby Animals," "The People of WalMart," "Stuff White People Like," and "Fail Nation."  I purchased a couple of these for stocking stuffers...I plan to read them all before giving them away.  Merry Christmas to me!

For The Zack Morris Lover:
You can get Seasons 1-4 for $20...that is cheap! Like Thai prostitute cheap!  And if you love Zack Morris the way I love Zack Morris, this is the Hangover Cure that keeps on giving.  From Zack & Kelly's prom to Hot Sundae to Violet Bickerstaff- this has it all!  Conspicuously missing from my suggestion? Any episode with that piece of shit, Tori...I mean really, whose parents let them drive a motorcylce in high school? And why was she so butch?  I much preferred her in Parent Trap 3 where she and her triplet sisters hilariously tricked their dad into marrying Hayley Mills!  That shit just doesn't happen anymore! Ah...good times!

For the Sailor/Truck Driver Mouthed Beauty:

Cursing is like condoms: not just for sailors anymore!  Why not add a little pizazz to your post-its and book flags. You can give this to friends with small children because then they can curse without calling for "EARMUFFS!"  This really will spice up anyone's 'Honey Do' list!

For the Music Lover:
This will be a fun party toy for any aspiring playlist maker/iPod DJ!  I personally would love to use this to start my playlist consultation business...I could create extra special mixes and charge a premium for that shiz. 

For the Local Artist/Hand Crafted Accessorinista:

I discovered these artistes at the "Crafty Supermarket" and fell in love!  Plus- who doesn't love a good accessory!  I now wear my Teacup ring everywhere...but warning: people will make you drink out of it, and that just gets messy!  Support the starving artists in your hood or mine using Etsy.

The Stocking Stuffers: (just for giggles)

Happy Shopping this Cyber Monday!!  And remember, once you become known as an excellent gift giver, the party invites are non stop! :)


  1. I have just recently developed a fascination with fake mustaches. I may even get some for the guests of my upcoming wedding. :) Great gift ideas!

  2. OMG, I want to be on your list of people to buy for!! I know a few people that would die (myself included) for this TMNT key covers!!

  3. I love those fake mustache decals. I think I'll go get some of those. Your blog is great by the way.

  4. I seriously have like half your list already. The bacon band-aids (I gave in a gift exchange a week ago), The Awkward family photos book (on order actually for my brother), saved by the bell (only mine wasnt $20 and I feel cheated), and the wine/cheese party plates which I registered for when I got married (I have never used them for any sort of get together, just myself on the couch.) You have fabulous taste!

  5. these gifts are incredible.

    I'm now making a mental list of everyone I can buy them for!

    I think I'm going to have to invite you to our holiday party!!

  6. These are hilarious. I saw the "Awkward Family Photos" book in Urban Outfitters. I was crying it was so funny.

  7. these gifts are incredible.

    I'm now making a mental list of everyone I can buy them for!

    I think I'm going to have to invite you to our holiday party!!

  8. OMG, I want to be on your list of people to buy for!! I know a few people that would die (myself included) for this TMNT key covers!!



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