Thursday, November 4, 2010

Playing M.A.S.H

One of my FAVORITE games of all time is M.A.S.H. (M= Mansion, A= Apartment, S= Shack, H= House) Why do I love it?  Because what are the odds that I will ever get to Marry Zack Morris, be an interior designer in Paris, drive a convertible, and live in a shack!  If you are unfamiliar with this game, allow me to introduce you to your new obsession!

Objective of the Game:
Very scientifically predict your future: love, marriage, career, children, richness, etc.  Life presents you with choices- and therefore, so does M.A.S.H.  

How To Play:
You get three choices for every category (a lot simpler than real life): Husband, College, Career, # of Kids, Salary, Car, age you will die, etc.  Once you fill out all the forms - you allow someone to make hashmarks or swirls until you say stop.  You count the marks (let's pretend the number is marks is 6).  Then count to that number as you move one by one down the options.  When you reach that number (in this case, 6)- you cross out that option.  One by one, you watch your dreams disappear (kind of like real life) until you are left with only one choice in that category- circle the last man standing.  Once you have circles in all the categories- you are now privy to your own DESTINY!


You can pay a couple bucks for the iPhone app and just let it do all the dirty work! :) Which is how I like to do it!

My Results:
I decided to have one dream life and one realistic life. 

I now present you with MY DREAM FUTURE: (as selected by my iPhone)
I will graduate from NYU,  I will major in History, marry Zack Morris, who will propose in a fortune cookie.  You will get married at 42 in Las Vegas and honeymoon in Costa Rica.  I will settle down in San Diego and live in an Apartment.
I will have 2 kids, have a pet Golden Retriever and cool cat named Heathcliff and Kat.  I will drive around in my Nissan 350z, spend my days as an Event Planner making $250K per year.
My spouse will be a Music Industry Exec (ed. note: WEST SIDE!) and make $2 million a year and drive a VW Van.
I will die in a random meteor crash at age 96.
The end!
And now, for the soul crushing reality version.  For this one, I made one choide based on my real life decisions, one choice that I hope for, and one choice as my worst nightmare (ed. note: this should be interesting!): (as selected by my iPhone)
I will graduate from Purdue University, I will major in marketing, marry Baker's Dozen Wives (ed. note: my college cheating boyfriend...neat), who will propose drunkenly during sex.  I will get married at age 30 in Vegas and honeymoon in Costa Rica.  I will settle down in San Francisco and live in a house.
I will have 4 kids (ed. note: fucking shoot me now!), have a pet Bitchy Little Rat Dog named HoHo.  I will get around in a Toyota Camry, spend my days as a stay at home dog mom and make $400,000 a year. (ed. note: that is either some GOOD welfare or I develop a sweet trust fund for my little doggies)
My spouse will be an Auto Mechanic and make $2million per year and drive a BMW. (ed. note: odd combo...)
I will die of old age at age 100.
The end!
This is so close to reality that I am mildly terrified...I DID graduate from Purdue with a degree in Business, minor in marketing!  And that philandering loser I dated in college was just losery enough that I can see him proposing while drunk and inside me.  FOUR KIDS??!?!  Four shots to the head, please.  I already own a Bitchy Little Rat Dog whose name rhymes with that's pretty close. (my other option not chosen thankfully was a snake named Voldemort)  I love how my CAREER is a stay at home DOG mom!  That is my dream job though.  Stay at home without the kids...but understanding how important it is to properly raise your pets!  And finally, although dying at 100 of old age seems like everyone's dream...that is my worst nightmare.  That is 70 years of marriage to a loser.  And I will have popped 4 kids out of my my body will be all used up by then.  I will NOT look good at 100.  Ick!

What results do you think you would get?


  1. Hilarious! Don't most people get marriage proposals or professions of love from assholes during drunken sex?

  2. I remember this game. Damn. Now I am going to have to do it again to see what my future holds.

  3. Hahaha! This post takes me back to riding the school bus home playing this game over and over until my bff and I got our dream life.

  4. I freaking LOVED THAT GAME!!! And my best friend and i in yr 12 always manipulated it so I would get my highschool crush and I was like "YES!!! SEE WE ARE MEANT TO BE!"

    and then he and I dated and he turned out to be fucking crazy and when I moved across the world, a month after we broke up he SHOWED UP ON MY DOORSTEP. And proposed. I was 16.

    Moral of the storey: That game is dangerous and you may end up with an australian stalker.

  5. @ D. Scandal - YES! Fair point. Drunk sex has that effect on men. :)

    @Alethea - please tell me that you were sitting backwards in the seat!!

    @Lady B - Aww! You could have been a teen bride! That would have been so Kentucky! HA! WOW- thank God you dodged that bullet!

  6. I remember this game. Damn. Now I am going to have to do it again to see what my future holds.



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