My mother is a saint...a very Southern, incredibly uncoordinated, bad cook, borderline hoarder SAINT! However, she gave me some complexes that are just too strong to overcome as an adult. Now, normally I try to refrain from potty talk- but I must face my demons that were given to me by my proper Southern Belle Mother. (note: my mother follows neither of these rules anymore...she just farts and poops wherever....claims its the "old age." Traitor!)
POTTY COMPLEX / IRRATIONAL BELIEF: Men like to believe that women only pee when they enter the Ladies room- pee then powder their noses.
I have been taught to always keep up appearances that this rule is true: girls pee- that's all. This has led to an extreme phobia of going #2 at a boyfriend's house. I would LITERALLY rather go in a gas station than at a boyfriend's house. I have, in fact, run an "errand" to a fast food restaurant before while visiting an ex just to clear my bowels. I have also been known to drive home unexpectedly from a sleep over when something didn't sit right in my tummy...only to return approximately 20-30min later.
THIS IS STRANGE! Right? I mean, if you are dating someone for 1-3 years, wouldn't you think you would have reached that comfort level with them? Will I ever? Will I be married and build a secret poo bathroom in the basement that I never tell my husband about?? (and is it even weirder that as I typed that I made a mental note to check the costs on a room like that?!)
TOOTING COMPLEX / WEIRD PUNISHMENT: When you fart, it means you have to poo.
I know that this is false. I have ALWAYS known that this is false. BUT, my mother truly believed that the fart was a gateway to pooping your pants. And in some very rare cases, (Senorita CalienteMess- I'm looking at you!) this is a possible outcome. But never for me.
However, my brother and I were taught never to fart in front of others while growing up. If we were caught "tooting," we would then be sentenced to sit on the toilet long enough to prove we wouldn't actually shit ourselves. This was a most embarrassing "time out" and a wretched punishment. I have since vowed never to fart in the presence of others no matter how uncomfortable my tummy is. This behavior is what I consider to be polite and lady like. However, I have since met a gaggle of females in my life who fart freely in front of loved ones as if it is their God given right. I have even dated guys who accidently let one slip around me and although they were embarrassed at first - eventually they comfortable enough to occasionally toot without fear of judgement. But for me?? Never. Never! I am like the cat that Pepe Le Pew chases around - I don't mind being WITH a skunk, and while I may look just like him, I will never be a skunk!
I mean, I have gas like any other human. But I can honestly say that I will NEVER admit that in front of anyone. I am 28 years old and none of my best friends or long term boyfriends have ever heard me fart. My brother likely hasn't heard me fart in more than 24 years. My future husband will likely never hear me fart. I will uncomfortably hold it in or refrain from personal contact after Mexican food for the rest of my life. IS THIS AS ABNORMAL AS I THINK IT IS? I mean, normal people fart in front of each other after being together a long time, right?
Shouldn't I eventually be comfortable enough with SOMEONE to be honest about my bodily functions?? OR did my mother just raise me "right?"