Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Emo Thursday: "Like, No One Understands Me!"

For some reason, there is a common misconception about me floating around, from random strangers to my own mother, that I have no interest in getting married.  This is false. 
The questions/accusations crop up in all forms. My Goddaughter revealed that she was upset that her opportunity to be a flower girl had passed and she feared that she will never be a Junior Bridesmaid either. (That girl is so young to already have the Catholic Guilt Trip proud, yet so scared)  My mother frequently updates the local gossips in my small Indiana hometown that I am single...perhaps forever.  One friend's wacky ex tried to turn her against listening to my advice because "I don't have the same views on marriage as her."  Another friend confessed that she was afraid she would never get married and die alone and then looked right AT me!

Don't get me wrong.  I know that I am fully capable of being single and happy as a clam for my whole life.  I learned this lesson from a personal fave, my homegirl, Mary Tyler Moore- and if that bitch taught me anything, it's that "you're gonna make it after all."  She had a successful career, loving friends, a comfortable life, and NEVER married.  If she can do it in a city as cold as Minneapolis, I can surely do it here in Cincy.  BUT that doesn't mean that I don't WANT to find love so wonderful that I would rather be with that person, having to share a bathroom and potentially closet space, for the rest of my life than living with a ratty dog answering to no one but my DVR.  So far, there isn't a single man whom I have dated that I would have been able to be with forever without some sort of Lorena Bobbit/Praying Mantis type outcome.

I am quirky.  I am independent.  I love my personal space and quiet time.  BUT I also love being in love and getting laid on the reg.  I love the idea of a partner in crime- someone to plan vacations with, bungee jump with, cheer for me while I run stupid marathons, make me coffee when I wake up in the morning or pour me wine when I get home at night, play with my hair until I fall asleep, kiss my forehead to make it all better, stand up for me, and make me feel adored.  And if I find a man who will rub my tummy when I don't feel well and hold my hair back when I puke up red wine and sit silently wearing a smile while I rant about traffic/the post office/a new online purchase that doesn't fit - I will marry that man!  I won't just marry him once- I will marry that lucky bastard 3 times!
1- small catholic church ceremony to satisfy my dead grandma. 
2- a Gatsby-esque roaring 20s beach rager in Charleston, SC. 
3- Tacky Elvis ceremony in Vegas set to the tune of Dolly Parton's 'I Will Always Love You.'
But until then...I will continue enjoying my life.  I will watch stupid TV shows no man should ever have to see, read books written for 8th grade girls, have dance parties with my dog, and eat cookies & milk for dinner some nights and drink wine for dinner others.  

There is a very big difference between knowing that my life can still be great if I never marry and NOT wanting to be married.

Now, if you will please excuse me, I must go clean up the EasyMac I just ate out of a coffee mug and take my gummy bear vitamins before climbing into bed to read teen fiction while a 10lb Bitchy Little Rat Dog passes out on my feet. 

I'm "gonna make it after all!"


  1. I LOVE this post!! That's exactly how I feel about life too! We are fucking fabulous and when that man who deserves us (the good he will get will definitely outweigh the crazy) finally appears in life it will just make us better than we already are.

  2. Cheers to this post!!!!

    Is it wrong that I want to go get a bottle of wine and celebrate everything you said even though I'm at work and its like 9am?? Day drinking anyone?

    oh and i kinda want easymac now too...

    ...single life really is fun & fabulous!

  3. Play with my hair until I far asleep. awwww. I miss that.

    Great post!!!

  4. I've never really dreamt about getting married even though i'm in a long term relationship, but maybe someday, i guess. Society says we must but it's just a piece of paper right?

  5. Play with my hair until I far asleep. awwww. I miss that.

    Great post!!!

  6. this is the funniest blog ever and i like the whole 3 time marrage thing for someone who is actually worth your time. and i completely agree with every thing you said on how you want all the benefits of a man but havent found the right one. but who gives a shit! they will come around when they come around! but untilll then have fun and do what ever you god damn want!

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