Wednesday, December 8, 2010

HELP! What Do I Give My Mom for Christmas?

I have been a shopping fiend, purchasing ridiculous gifts for my brother, his wife, my girlfriends, myself, my dog, and even my dad.  The one person conspicuously missing from this list?  OH, just the woman who "DIED" giving birth to me. (don't worry! she is alive now, obvi- she was resuscitated or some shit...but she never lets me forget that she technically died)

The main reason why I don't have anything to get my mom is because I HAVE NO CLUE what to buy.  She and I are incredibly different...its easy to buy for people who are similar because I just buy them something I would like.  This doesn't work so well with my mom.
  • I shop at cool places.  My mom shops at Chicos. 
  • I am constantly on the go and work out & play sports.  My mom sleeps 14+ hours a day and sometimes never changes out of her pajamas. (before you say it- my brother already bought her pajamas this year...eff!)
  • I drink and party.  My mom has a sip of red wine and her face breaks out in a painful rosacea rash.
  • I love talking about music, vampires, Harry Potter, celeb gossip, business theory, cultural phenomenons, the trouble with today's youth, and other fun topics.  My mom loves to talk about her dogs, Sarah Palin, the Tea Party/Politics du jour, and what she ate that day.  
  • I think my mom secretly believes I will never get married. My mom thinks I'm a virgin. 
SO... as you can see- we aren't always on the same page.  I love her madly- she is kindhearted and genuine and sweet and loyal and feisty.  She is funny and smart and adorable in her own way.  YET, none of that gives me any clue as to what she may want for Christmas.  And I have failed so many times before....

Let me tell you about the Presents of Christmas Past....

CHRISTMAS 2005: I got her a special chair pillow for your bed with a build in reading lamp.  I thought, "She likes staying in bed all day.  She likes reading.  This seems perfect!"
RESULT: She "lost it" for 5 years because it was too "heavy" to move in and out of her bed.  Then suddenly she "found" it this year and used it daily when she was bed ridden with a broken leg.  I would like my gift this year to have a more immediate impact on her.



CHRISTMAS 2006: I know that my mom is really into watching TV, so I got her a couple seasons of her favorite shows on DVD and a DVD player for her room.
RESULT: She lost the remote to the DVD player and never opened any of the seasons of her shows or learned to use the DVD player. The first time she watched her Monk Season 1 was when I was taking care of her bedridden, clumsy ass this summer. (note: I couldn't find the remote either so I just stole the DVD player from the basement and moved it to her room)  I would like to get her something this year that she will want to learn to use.

CHRISTMAS 2007: I bought my mom what I thought was a "Chico's"-esque pearl necklace.
RESULT: She grimaced when she opened it, thanked me, and I never saw her wear the necklace...until 2 weeks ago when she got her feelings hurt that I didn't notice or comment on the fact that she was finally wearing the necklace I bought her three years ago.  If I go down this route again, I hope to God she wears it immediately so that I don't forget what it looks like years later.



CHRISTMAS 2009: My mom is really into Genealogy, which I find to be the bane of my existence.  She is always sending me links to online websites where I can stare at dead people I don't know, who supposedly bred to create my blood line.  However, I know that she loves it- so I bought her a personalized Family Tree photo frame from Things Remembered. (so that shit wasn't cheap)
RESULT:  The frame sits empty on a dresser in her room, eclipsed by piles of clothing she no longer wears.  The goal is to get her something that won't get lost in her Hoarders-esque piling system.



CHRISTMAS PRESENT: I am hoping to get her something that she really wants...and something she won't "lose."  Something that she will use sooner than 3-5 years from now.

BUT- what do you get a woman who:
  • watches DVR all the time but won't learn to use a DVD player?  (I could pay her TV bill for a year? HA!)
  • pretends that she uses her iPod touch that she got for her birthday, but has already forgotten how to use iTunes? (I refuse to waste money on a kindle if she won't even learn an iPod...)
  • was almost late to my brother's wedding rehearsal because she was picking up a gaudy, giant flower broach that Chico's had just got in from backorder? (I don't want to be an enabler of bad fashion...I just can't do it.)
Please help!

13 comments:

  1. Hmmm that is a hard one. I liked all the gifts you listed that you've already given her. My default gift for most people, including family, is food or bath products. I really like Williams-Sonoma and Bath & Body Works. Hope you find something that works for her!

    xx,
    Delilah

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  2. I am struggling with what to get my brother in law this year and I too want to get him something that he is going to really and truly like this year and actually use. Ugh...this is tough.... Good luck with you mom. You'll think of something eventually. Give yourself time to find it.

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  3. You said she likes Sarah Palin...does she read? If so, has she already gotten Sarah Palin's new book. I know that's not exactly high in price point, but it could get you somewhere. You could do a book themed gift she does like to read. The Sarah Palin book, and some other republican/tea party themed political books.
    You could also try to get something for her dog(s)?...not sure what in this department.
    We makes lists and if you don't make a list you don't get something. My mom's list has been claimed, so I'm trying to come up with some ideas, too.

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  4. All of your gifts seem so thoughtful. Does she have any birthday presents laying around from you? You could re-wrap and re-gift. Maybe she forgot? My mom is difficult. I bought her a rotating waffle iron. She doesn't make waffles but really wanted one. I know, that's her though.

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  5. What about Ugg slippers? I know she's not a label whore but Uggs are insanely comfortable and warm. I bought my dad, who couldn't give two craps about fashion, a pair and he never wants to take them off. They have a nice rubber sole so he can walk outside for the mail or paper or sit in the yard and not worry about them getting messed up.

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  6. Oh man, I have no idea - maybe a fancy robe? Or food? Consumables are always good... what about a massage GC?

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  7. How about a nice comfy throw? New sheets (high thread count) for her bed? Chinos gift certificate? haha

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  8. Moms are so difficult. How about tea towels? (I know, that was lame.)

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  9. @Dating Diva: Great options! I will have to use them on someone else thought! Because my mom can't cook her way out of a KFC bag.:)

    @Leah: Thanks! I got my brother & sister in law the wine mingling plates that I mentioned on my Holiday Gift Guide post last week- they are badass! I recommend them.

    @Ingrid: My grandma asked for the Sarah Palin books...so I caved and bought them for her, had a physical reaction when amazon started recommending other gifts, and had a mini meltdown. To each her own...bless my mother and grandmother's hearts.

    @Missy Salsa: Thanks! That's what I thought too! Best part about that waffle iron you got your mom is that you can totes steal it in a couple years if she doesn't use it!

    @P.Y.T.: Yes- she loves her Ugg slippers that I bought her a couple years ago in the name of my father. He didn't know what to get her so he gave me money and told me to find something. I, of course, fuck up my own gifts and hit a homerun when i sign someone else's name to the card!

    @Lizzie: If there is one thing Mama likes, it is FOOD and GETTING RUBDOWNS! Its like you know her!! She really would love a great massage and all the carbs she can eat. :) Thanks!

    @Jessica: Excellent idea. "Pimp her bedroom" since she loves spending time in bed so much! I actually decided to buy her Chico's clothing... I almost barfed when I did...but I saved that puke for when I had to buy Palin books for my Nana.

    @Jules: HA! I love your idea...I would actually like to videotape my mom's face opening that because I bet $20 that as an Undomestic Housecat, she would have no idea what to do with them. So she would grimace and thank me, while I chuckle on the inside!

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  10. @Dating Diva: Great options! I will have to use them on someone else thought! Because my mom can't cook her way out of a KFC bag.:)

    @Leah: Thanks! I got my brother & sister in law the wine mingling plates that I mentioned on my Holiday Gift Guide post last week- they are badass! I recommend them.

    @Ingrid: My grandma asked for the Sarah Palin books...so I caved and bought them for her, had a physical reaction when amazon started recommending other gifts, and had a mini meltdown. To each her own...bless my mother and grandmother's hearts.

    @Missy Salsa: Thanks! That's what I thought too! Best part about that waffle iron you got your mom is that you can totes steal it in a couple years if she doesn't use it!

    @P.Y.T.: Yes- she loves her Ugg slippers that I bought her a couple years ago in the name of my father. He didn't know what to get her so he gave me money and told me to find something. I, of course, fuck up my own gifts and hit a homerun when i sign someone else's name to the card!

    @Lizzie: If there is one thing Mama likes, it is FOOD and GETTING RUBDOWNS! Its like you know her!! She really would love a great massage and all the carbs she can eat. :) Thanks!

    @Jessica: Excellent idea. "Pimp her bedroom" since she loves spending time in bed so much! I actually decided to buy her Chico's clothing... I almost barfed when I did...but I saved that puke for when I had to buy Palin books for my Nana.

    @Jules: HA! I love your idea...I would actually like to videotape my mom's face opening that because I bet $20 that as an Undomestic Housecat, she would have no idea what to do with them. So she would grimace and thank me, while I chuckle on the inside!

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  11. Moms are so difficult. How about tea towels? (I know, that was lame.)

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  12. All of your gifts seem so thoughtful. Does she have any birthday presents laying around from you? You could re-wrap and re-gift. Maybe she forgot? My mom is difficult. I bought her a rotating waffle iron. She doesn't make waffles but really wanted one. I know, that's her though.

    ReplyDelete
  13. How about a nice comfy throw? New sheets (high thread count) for her bed? Chinos gift certificate? haha

    ReplyDelete

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