Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas....Still a HauteMess!

Happy HauteMess Holiday (whatever it is that you celebrate)!!!

For your reading pleasure, I have compiled a list of real things that happened to me last weekend at my Christmas party.  So in case you were worried that when I turned 28, I matured- rest assured! I am still as awkward as ever!

You Might Be a HauteMess If...
You and 9 friends put down a $1,000 bar tab that lasted approximately 60min.

You Might Be a HauteMess If...
You saw The Narcissist's new ex (yes, the one he was still with when he propositioned you for public bathroom sex), walked right up to her and inexplicably hugged her saying, "You don't know me, but we share a common mistake/lapse in judgement."

You Might Be a HauteMess If...
You caught My Fair Gaydy crashing your party, got jealous when he started talking to Mademoiselle Blondemess...and have since tried to rekindle the homoplatonic relationship.  When asked why you would enter into another round with a flaming homosexual, you reply, "My GOD...he is just too beautiful to give up on forever!"

You Might Be a HauteMess If...
You make out with Senorita CalienteMess's brother...as part of an escalating joke that you two will get married one day...then LITERALLY run away from him.

You Might Be a HauteMess If...
You run so fast from your latest face rape victim that you fall down the stairs of bar, where you are hosting a party for 200 of your not-so-closest friends.

You Might Be a HauteMess If...
You now have a bruise the exact shape, size, and color of a 16oz T-Bone Steak on your left ass cheek.

You Might Be a HauteMess If...
You are so hungover, you ask your "boyfriend" for pot brownies for Christmas.

 Happy Frickin Holidaze!

2 comments:

  1. $1000 bar tab in an hour for nine? That is impressive! And sometimes people do fall down, so don't feel too bad! haha

    ReplyDelete
  2. $1000 bar tab in an hour for nine? That is impressive! And sometimes people do fall down, so don't feel too bad! haha

    ReplyDelete

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