Thursday, January 13, 2011

My Love Life in the Hands of Mademoiselle BlondeMess??

As I mentioned, I am trying to be more open to new ideas, challenges, and unexpected opportunities.  It is my 2nd Year of "Yes."  One of the things on my list is handing over partial control of my love life to Mademoiselle BlondeMess.  However, after seeing her plans (based on a wine infused conversation with me), I am starting to get nervous...

Her written plan is as follows...

REQUIREMENTS FOR POTENTIAL SUITORS FOR HAUTEMESS
1) Back hair is acceptable
2) Independent man
3) fun & funny
4) Taller, not fat
5) Female first name may be acceptable (like Cary Grant or Sacha Baron Cohen)
6) Non smoker
7) Gray hair may be acceptable, depending on age
(ed. note: Just to defend myself- she asked me a series of yes/no questions like "Would you date someone IF..." to get to the back hair, gray hair, and girly name criteria....those aren't things on my Top 10 Requirements or anything...And back hair can be dealt with if truly terrible, but I'm Greek! So I have to be a little forgiving of excessive body hair.)


'THE YEAR OF FIRST DATES' IDEAS
1) Saved By The Bell Week- Different guy Monday thru Thursday; pick your favorite for Friday. (BlondeMess will arrange, HauteMess must comply) (ed. note: sounds slutty...I LIKE it!)
2) Speed Dating(in British accent only)
3) Legitimately try a real online dating website (okcupid does not count) - and host a fundraiser for your friends to help pay your dues
4) Ask out a guy from a competitive intramural soccer team (ed. note: maybe!)
5) Ask out a guy from our intramural soccer team (ed. note: been there. done that. after the Mr. Biz debacle of 2010...no fucking way!)
6) Post an ad in the Cincinnati Enquirer
7) Post an ad on Craig's List to "get your tires fixed" and see what happens (ed. note: SPOILER ALERT! I get murdered)
8) Meet a stranger at a wedding and go out on a date
9) Sit at the library looking studious for 1 hour, ask out the cutest guy you see during that hour (ed. note: the only people who hang out at the public library that long are HOMELESS!)
10) Go out with an ex...for kicks (ed. note: REALLY?? Then why do I pay $4.99 a month to block all their numbers from my phone?)
11) Wear a magnet out one night to use for a cheesy pick up line about being "magnetically" attracted to someone (ed. note: THIS is going to take a massive amount of alcohol...)
12) Ask someone out from Starbucks
13) Ask someone out from Team in Training
Yikes....I guess I need to get to work on some of these in hopes that she may forget about setting me up with an ex or getting killed by the Craigslist Killer.

Can anyone help a sister out? Any ideas Mademoiselle BlondeMess can add to the list?

9 comments:

  1. Your friend is obviously as hilarious as you, I can't wait to hear how these dates/tasks pan out. Happy 2nd year of yes. X

    ReplyDelete
  2. See, I've been thinking about this Starbuck's barrista one. My conclusion is that it would have to be in the one I don't go to every day. Because if it went bad, then I'd have to give up the one that makes the good cappuccinos. *sigh*

    ReplyDelete
  3. Shut the eff up!!! You are Greek?!?!? Me too!!! I knew there was a reason why I <3 you aside from how fucking hilarious you are.


    ps - come to NYC I've got a dozen guys you can run down that list with

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think you're lucky! My friends would never do this for me and there are some good ones on there. What about... Let your parents set you up. I know mine would lead to at least a funny story :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. How about this one.. i have tried it, it was fun..
    Write a note in advance of a girls night out. Along the lines of "Just in case you were considering asking me out.. my ph no is ..."
    Then make lots of eye contact with a cute boy in a bar.
    Just as you are about to leave with your girlfriends rock up to him, dont say a word, slip him the note and smile.

    ReplyDelete
  6. How about this one.. i have tried it, it was fun..
    Write a note in advance of a girls night out. Along the lines of "Just in case you were considering asking me out.. my ph no is ..."
    Then make lots of eye contact with a cute boy in a bar.
    Just as you are about to leave with your girlfriends rock up to him, dont say a word, slip him the note and smile.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Your friend is obviously as hilarious as you, I can't wait to hear how these dates/tasks pan out. Happy 2nd year of yes. X

    ReplyDelete

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