Yes, I saw "Yes Man" with Jim Carrey and Zooey Deschanel.
No, this wasn't inspired by the movie.
Yes, they totally ripped that idea off of me - I had my first year of "YES" in 2009.
In 2009, I declared the "YEAR OF YES." That is when I discovered that although I have absolutely no athletic prowess I could run a half marathon, I could survive a 5 day camping trip without even liking the outdoors, there aren't enough substances out there to make me like The Grateful Dead, getting a 4th tattoo doesn't exactly make me trashy, and switching careers isn't as scary as I thought it would be. 2009 was a great year. 2010 was above average- but I want 2011 to be my best year yet.
I was inspired to reinstate the YES principal for 2011 last night while hanging out with Mademoiselle BlondeMess.
We were watching "The Bachelor" last night and making fun of the stupid women who cry at the end. Keltie (the Rockette with the worst Ombre Hair I have ever seen) was all hysterical about how she is meant to be alone because she has exhausted all avenues of meeting new people to date.
I was all like, "Oh whatever, freak! Like the odds of winning The Bachelor and getting married are better than getting hit by lightning? This does NOT mean you are destined to be alone. It LIKELY means you should reconsider your hair color (ed. note: you are no Whitney Port, master of Ombre hair)...but NOT that you are going to die alone surrounded by cats."
Me: "Well I have done the math...and I have only been on 9 first dates in the past 5 years."
BlondeMess: "That's not a fair comparison because you had a few long relationships in there."
Me: "Yeah- but still! If I don't count text flirting or drunken makeouts, I have only been on 9 FIRST dates!! And only 3 first dates in all of 2010. One of those started dating 21 year old and the another bit me. I have a new year's resolution to go on more dates this year...I think I need more help than Keltie!"
BlondeMess: "Ooh! I could totally take over for you. What if I made a list and you had to try everything on it??"
Me: "Like what?"
BlondeMess: "Like speed dating...."
Me: "Sure. If nothing else, it will make a great blog."
BlondeMess: "Speed dating using only a British accent. AND you can place an ad in the Cincinnati Enquirer!"
Me: "No fucking way! That's how people get killed!"
Then I looked at my phone and saw that I had 2 missed calls, a text, and a voicemail from my mother. Most people may be concerned when shit like that happens. However, my parents are the exception to the emergency contact rule. In case of emergency, they usually just text blunt, insensitive messages. Once at work I received, "Grandpa had a stroke. He will probably die." To which I immediately burst into tears, startling all coworkers around me. Or this summer when I received the text, "Mom fell down the basement stairs. I called 911. She is in ambulance. Will call later." WTF?!?
I digress. The point is, when I saw the frenzy of contact from my mom, I immediately knew it was something unimportant. When she called again, I answered just to be sure.
Mom: "In 8 minutes they will tell you how to become an extra in George Clooney's new movie that shoots here in Cincinnati. Turn on the 11 o'clock news on channel 9!!"
Me: "Really? That is what this is all about?"
Mom: "Oh come on! Just do it."
That is when I suddenly realized I have taken one giant step towards becoming boring. I have become a "NO MAN!"
SO...I declared 2011 to be a brand new "YEAR OF YES," emailed the casting company for George Clooney's new movie called "Ides of March," and gave partial control of my dating life over to Mademoiselle BlondeMess. (more info on her plan for me in a future blog post!)
What do you recommend for my "YEAR OF YES?"