Thursday, February 24, 2011

A Deer Shit On Me Today

After the Great Flood, I assumed that I had cashed in all my bad luck chips for 2011.  A toilet that broke and destroyed my 1st floor ceiling & walls and my second floor flooring and carpet seemed pretty poignant.  It was like the Universe saying, "GET YOUR LIFE OUT OF THE SHITTER!"

I feel like I truly learned the lesson and started making strides.  I made a "Grow The Fuck Up" To Do list that included repairing things around my house that have been broken for years. For example, put batteries in the smoke alarm that died 2.5 years ago, replace the 6 out of 8 lightbulbs in my bathroom that had gone out, ACTUALLY sell the treadmill that was sitting in my garage with a for sale sign on it for the past 9months, etc.  I have been feeling very responsible and grown up lately. (never mind the 6 month old keg in my garage that I haven't returned...)

THEN BAM! This morning, while driving to pilates, a mother fucking deer with a death wish HITS ME!  (technically we hit each other, but it was totally his fault)  I am not inured, thank goodness.  But my poor car!

Not only did that fucker destroy the front of my car....but he POOPED on me!  He ran into my car and then POOPED ON ME!

I am not 100% sure that these two things are related, but last night I kicked Bitchy Little Rat Dog out of bed and told her that she was being "a little shit."  That bitch was NOT pleased.

Then this morning, I get attacked by a large, angry deer who dropped a big shit...on my car.

Coincidence?  I think not.  Karma? Maybe.  Creepy "Firestarter-like" Mind Control from BLRD? Likely.

When life hands you lemons, aren't you supposed to make Vodka & Lemonade? (or something like that)  But what if life hands you a pile of deer shit and an overflowing toilet?

8 comments:

  1. Would love to see your Grow The Fuck Up List!!

    Btw, glad you're unscathed.

    I've come close to hitting a deer and a moose... Both of those fuckers would have totalled my car and the moose would have simply killed me on impact. Thats what I get for driving the Northern part of HWY 1 while not paying attention to the signs about animal crossings.

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  2. wow thats crazy...I've thankfully never had a run in with a deer but I know the damage it can cause.

    Glad your OK minus the poop. How did it end up streaked across your car? Did the stupid deer wipe its butt after it went?

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  3. Damn.. deer deaths are always grusome.

    A wise man (who may have also been a PR rep for Four Loko, a highly underrated and unfairly maligned beverage) once said, "When life hands you lemons, make a highly alcoholic, highly caffeinated beverage."

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  4. oh no!

    Or, should I say "holy shit!"

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  5. I really love your blog! I seen someone talking to you on twitter and followed my way over here! I am now following YAY! I have an Emo Thursday too btw. I don't write on that as much anymore. BUT! I am having a blog orgy where you post your networking URLS to get more followers and meet cool and awesome bloggers! I hope you join us!

    LMAO! You must have scared the shit out of him LITERALLY. Maybe animals have a weird way of communicating. You called your dog a little shit then you get shitted on. PRICELESS! I say, when life gives you lemons, Squirt the juice in your enemies eyes. Fuck them lol.

    TOAR

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  6. I really love your blog! I seen someone talking to you on twitter and followed my way over here! I am now following YAY! I have an Emo Thursday too btw. I don't write on that as much anymore. BUT! I am having a blog orgy where you post your networking URLS to get more followers and meet cool and awesome bloggers! I hope you join us!

    LMAO! You must have scared the shit out of him LITERALLY. Maybe animals have a weird way of communicating. You called your dog a little shit then you get shitted on. PRICELESS! I say, when life gives you lemons, Squirt the juice in your enemies eyes. Fuck them lol.

    TOAR

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  7. wow thats crazy...I've thankfully never had a run in with a deer but I know the damage it can cause.

    Glad your OK minus the poop. How did it end up streaked across your car? Did the stupid deer wipe its butt after it went?

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  8. So as I'm sitting here not any more than 5 feet from my 50something missionary parents as they are watching Wedding Crashers and I am reading your blogs dutibg the awkward nudity and sexually explicit scenes, do I come across the words "he POOPED on me! He ran into my car and then POOPED ON ME"! Thank you for making me actually say "LOL" while actually laughing obscenely out loud. My parentals now just look at me randomly probably wondering why their daughter thinks such a dirty movie is hillarious... For this I thank you!

    ReplyDelete

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