If I have learned one thing from the 90s fashion staple, the Ying Yang, and from advanced Physics (because I am a nerd for science) - it is that everything needs its equal opposite to balance the universe.
So every year, around Valentine's Day - a holiday of love and devotion - an equal and opposite holiday must exist to celebrate disgust and hate.... Introducing the new phenomenon sweeping the nation (a.k.a. my group of friends) - SUCK IT!
This year, we celebrate the 3rd Annual Suck It TONIGHT!
What is Suck It? Ha, ha, you simple fucking fools! Suck It is a day to publicly proclaim your distaste, disgust, and hatred for people/places/animals/objects by burning them in the fiery fires of Suck It. (note: no animals were harmed in the creation of Suck It.)
You simply write down the names of things you hate or bring voodoo-esque trinkets to submit to the fire. I have burned everything from an Eternity Necklace given to me by my cheating ex-boyfriend to a shitty House Music Mix CD titled "Inside My Soul" from The Narcissist. Other sacrifices to the Fiery Fires of Suck It include(but are not limited to), Tori from Saved By the Bell, OB Tampons, Sarah Palin, The Steelers, Captain Inappropriate's Herpes Outbreak, Nickelback & Creed, and Lars Ulrich for shutting down Napster.
This Holiday is amazing and I highly recommend that you bring it to a home near you. All you need is a fire, spicy food, flasks of Hot Damn, and a lot of shit you hate. The airing of grievances is hilarious...singles and couples alike can join in the fun.
Tonight I plan to burn the following:
- Overactive Sweat Glands
- Bitchy Little Rat Dog's Anal Secretions (smells like rotting fish living in a dumpter of poo)
- Parents who allow their children to piss and shit on floors
- The Generation whose facebook picture albums are filled with "self portraits" of them topless in a bathroom
- Brandon Walsh (do gooders like that make me barf)
- The old guy in the Delta Sky Club who just judged me for having my 3rds drink before noon. Fuck him!
- And finally, I would like to burn Fun Size Candy Bars
So go forth, be merry, and burn some shit!
HAPPY SUCK IT!