Sunday, February 6, 2011

The MF Holy Grail

Most Intense tee shirt ever...
You will never guess where I was today...I was in a land where magic flows like wine and beautiful wizards flock like the salmon of capistrano.  That's right.  I was at Mother Fucking Wizarding World of Harry Potter. (and you know how long I have been dreaming of this shit!)


I went all by myself, so I was initially concerned about looking like a total creep in the "single rider" line - but I blended in just fine.  There were enough foreigners and Magic (the gathering) folks there to disguise my creepiness.  I considered buying some Harry Potter garb to help blend with the crowd, but the official Harry Potter dress robes were $99.99 each! Do you know how many glasses of house red that buys at the hotel bar?  A LOT.   Good news- I fit in with the masses in my black leggings and oversized Pink Floyd Tee.  In fact, the 450 rich dorks donning the hundred bone decorative graduation robes (i.e. wizard costumes) around the park stood out more than I ever could.

In fact, I was so excited that I forgot to eat all day.  My first sustenance was at 6pm: shepherd's pie, Hog's Head Brew Beer, and a cauldron cake (a chocolate cupcake dipped in chocolate and filled with chocolate mousse...fuck yeah!)  I was buzzed at 6pm.  So basically I rode the double dragon shit TWICE, the "Forbidden Journey" road twice, Flight of the Hippogriff, saw the Olivander Wand show, ate at The Three Broomsticks, and got nice and buzzed at the Hog's Head Pub all while nearly slurring my was magical. 

I purchased a Pygmy Puff at Zonko's just for the attention of the adoption ceremony.  However, I was unprepared for the actual ceremony.  The cashier loudly announced to the entire store "HEAR YE, HEAR YE!  WE HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!!!  THIS LITTLE PYGMY PUFF NAMED..." [then looked at me and whispered] "what's its name?"

I stammered, "Um, well, I hadn't thought...uh...Larry Bird."

Cashier: "Larry Bird??"
ME: "Um, yes.  That's what I said."
Cashier: "OK.  [shouting again to the entire souvenir shop of people] THIS LITTE PYGMY PUFF...LARRY BIRD! HAS BEEN ADOPTED BY HAUTE MESS!  EVERYONE PLEASE GIVE HER A ROUND OF APPLAUSE!"
The crowd looked, wide eyed at each other, whispering "Did she just say 'Larry Bird???'"
Cashier: "OK, LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN!  A ROUND OF APPLAUSE!"  And at this point, the crowd was jolted back into politeness and realized that they were expected clap, so they did.

I then stuffed my new "pet pygmy" into my shopping bag, headed to the pub to order another Hogs Head Brew beer, and call Senorita CalienteMess to let her know that Bitchy Little Rat Dog has a new sister, and her name is "Larry Bird."
I now sit in my hotel room...belly full of butterbeer, drinking tap water from my souvenir mug, stroking Larry, and watching Pretty Woman (in lieu of the Super Bowl)....BEST.DAY.EVER!


  1. I don't think that I can voice just how jealous I am of your day. My Sunday just got owned by Haute Mess and Pygmy Puff called Larry Bird

  2. I also watched the Holiday instead of Super Bowl.



  5. O.M.F.G!!!
    I have never wanted to be anyone more than you right now. 
    One day my hearts desire will be met… one day...



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