Monday, February 28, 2011

Senorita CalienteMess...A Year Of Awesome

This year has been a fantastic year of roommateness...and the shit show is coming to an end soon. (Fucking, Flood!)

So we feel that it is necessary to chronicle a year in awesome.

Night 1: The first night Senorita spent as an official roommate in my house, I got drunk, cut my finger open breaking a vase, held my finger above my head for 2 hours insisting that the bleeding would stop, eventually duct taped a wad of toilet paper around my finger, and slept with it elevated.  The next day I drove immediately to urgent care where I was promptly given a tetnus shot, superglue, and the dirty old doctor's phone number.

Night 35:  The first night that Senorita CalienteMess thought to herself, "What the fuck did I get myself into?"  I forced her to stay up intil 2am preparing for the Jello Shot Easter Egg Hunt that was to take place the next day.  At one point, she actually thought it was a reasonable argument to say, "we don't really need to put jello shots in the eggs, right?"  To which I replied, "Hahah, you simple fucking fool.  You think this is amateur hour?  And 5 year old retard can find an egg in my house...but can they take a double shot of cheap vodka masked with cherry gelatin? NO!  This is what separates the men from the boys."

Night 127:  For Senorita CalienteMess's Birthday, I threw a faux surprise party that included CatchPhrase, a Wonder Woman Crown, and a Baby pool + Slip N' Slide....jealous?
 Night 279: We had a "quiet game night" at home with out favorite Gay Bloggers...Senorita CalienteMess  woke up the next morning with a compound fracture on her big toe and a missing iPhone.  I woke up with a high and mighty sense of pride until I realized that I FORGOT that I am the one who child locked her phone, turned it off so she would never find it, and hid it in Bitchy Little Rat Dog's basket of toys before retiring to my bedroom- locking myself in for a quiet night of drunken slumber.

Night 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 : Approximate numbers...there is no other friend that I have who will sit on a couch with me, my Bitchy Little Rat Dog, a My Little Pony Sleeping Bag, Zebra Snuggie, and mounds of pizza delivery for more than 100 episodes of Lost in a 4 week period.  It's a sickness really.  And thankfully, we are both afflicted! 

Nights 1-364: There were approximately 5 visits to Urgent Care, 3 Surgeries, 1 911 call, and 1 shot in the ass to reduce swelling around the broken toe. (should I mention those were all her visits I counted?) There were probably 30 times we meant to have a quiet night in that turned into 2 bottles of wine, laughter & tears, prank phone calls, and late night pizza.  There have probably been 200 times that she has prevented me from leaving the house without the perfect accessory/purse/matching clothing.  And there were at least 365 times we made each other laugh...

Night 365: TBD - Bitchy Little Rat Dog and I will miss that ho. So we must prepare something special...any thoughts?

6 comments:

  1. Give her a Snuggie.

    Or have Rat Dog poop in her shoes, whichever.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great roommates are hard to find! :(

    So farewell in style!

    And oh! Snuggie. I love the way Kev thinks.

    ReplyDelete
  3. i'm a little sad. i hope night 365 was legen - wait for it - fullofawesomemesseswithouttripstotheerDARY

    ReplyDelete
  4. Mademoiselle Hautemess, just dropping by to let you know that you have a blogger award waiting for you on my page
    http://somethingcakes.blogspot.com x

    ReplyDelete
  5. Mademoiselle Hautemess, just dropping by to let you know that you have a blogger award waiting for you on my page
    http://somethingcakes.blogspot.com x

    ReplyDelete
  6. Great roommates are hard to find! :(

    So farewell in style!

    And oh! Snuggie. I love the way Kev thinks.

    ReplyDelete

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