Wednesday, February 23, 2011

You know what irks me?

I hate when people act all high & mighty about homeless people asking for money that they fully intend to use for alcohol.  Like this one time, my parents acted super offended that a homeless guy was drinking a beer while asking for money.

This is the real conversation that I had with my parents after my mom snubbed a homeless dude begging for change:
Mom: "I feel bad saying no, but I know that he is just going to go buy booze."
Me: "So?"
Mom: "He would just use it to get drunk?"
Me: "Fucking DUH!  What else is he going to do?  If I were homeless, I would be fucking hammered 24/7.  I would drink Nati Light and Popov vodka and make fun of passersby."
Dad: "Or you could save it so you wouldn't be homeless!"
Me: "RIIIIGHT! You know how fast a dude walking around with a box of ones and quarters would get jumped at the bum camp.  Dude would get killed in his sleep for that change.  And it isn't like the bank would let a smelly dude with no address open a checking account...even that takes like a minimum of $25!"
Mom: "I guess the alcohol would help you forget that you are sleeping on cold concrete.  Oblivion is probably all you would have."
Me: "Thank you. Of course I am right.  Now, that's settled.  If we are ever homeless, we shall drink like frat guys."
For real though...What else is there to do when you are homeless??  Do you know how boring it would be with no TV, laptop, or iPhone?

I mean, I have a home and toys and food and materialistic shit galore, and I still like to drink most nights.

Don't be so judgey! 

As long as the homeless people look like they have avoided a crack addiction- I am totally cool with their life choice to drink.  If I have cash easily accessible (but let's be honest, I haven't carried cash since 2002), I try to spare a few bucks.

Hell, if I am drunk enough, I even share my drunk snacks.  The last hobo lady got a cup of my "Crispy Critters" and $2 to buy a hot dog.  As I discussed with my family, if I ever have to walk a mile in their shoes (Heaven Forbid!) - I need someone to help me pay for my Boon's Farm and day old donuts!

What would you do?







P.S. I have never seen this man...but if her were camped outside of a bar where I was, I would totally put him on my tab!

P.P.S. Even Miss Colorado is homeless....I would totally give her a buck to buy a dress for the Miss USA pageant.

7 comments:

  1. That's great. If they look like they need it or they make me laugh, they're getting a dollar.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wait a minute he needs 4 dollar Karate Lessons?

    All I can offer is 5 dollar Karate Lessons... Sorry homeless man, better luck next time.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Maybe I will buy the next homeless guy I see a six pack and drink one with him... I will let you know how that goes!!!

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  4. you drink Boones Farm?!?!?!


    I knew there was a reason I LOVED you!!! Boones & Bagels...best way to start the morning...fact!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. i've totally said the same thing! and besides getting robbed. how long would it seriously take to save enough for a "fresh start" and where the hell would he put it?!

    ReplyDelete
  6. i've totally said the same thing! and besides getting robbed. how long would it seriously take to save enough for a "fresh start" and where the hell would he put it?!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Maybe I will buy the next homeless guy I see a six pack and drink one with him... I will let you know how that goes!!!

    ReplyDelete

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