Thursday, March 24, 2011

Temptations All Around Me

I gave up "being lazy" for Lent...which is like my favorite part of the weekend.  My Ikea couch has a butt imprint that has started to feel like Big Spoon lovingly embracing me.   Let me tell you...if getting sick was meant to be a test, I have failed miserably.
I am a giant baby when I get know this.  This week, while traipsing through Downtown Cincinnati on an epic pub crawl (more details on that later) - I was suddenly struck down by the hand of God.   Mucus, mucus everywhere, and I couldn't swallow my drink.   The doc says I have tonsillitis and an ear infection.  These things could have been picked up from the numerous foreign objects I shoved in my mouth on Sunday: including the bottoms of at least 3 beer bottles (it was a joke!) and trying to eat a piece of paper hanging on a wall in the bar because it had incriminating information on it.

I know I have brought this on myself, which is why I find it extra difficult to accept the kind gestures everyone has offered me: making me dinner so I can rest, buying me milkshakes to soothe my sore throat, getting me drunk to forget I am sick.  It's all so kind...and that makes me feel even worse.

So I have been holed up all alone (except for the Rat Dog) in my house for 3 days while my whole house is under construction for flood repairs.  What's a sick girl to do?

- Slept approximately 15 hours on Monday through the sounds of my carpet and flooring being ripped up.
- Played approximately 83 games of iPhone Solitaire until my vision got too blurry to continue.
- Read a 400 page Judy Blume book. Yes, I said Judy Bloom.  And yes, someone did get her first period in this book.
(30second Book Report: "Summer Sisters" by Judy Bloom should be renamed "Scissor Sisters."  With a storyline that eerily resembles my life without having any of the details correct...two scissor sister BFFs navigate life on two different paths: 1) A trust fund blonde fucking her way through it and 2) A bib boobed brunette engaging in stupid, dead end relationships and holding on to them for too long.  I laughed; I cried. I wanted to kill the selfish bitch by the end.  The good news is that someone beat me to it.  The only redeeming quality of this book was the excellent, repeated use of the word: "Dingleberry." The end.)
- Engaged in 10 separate, ongoing games of Words with Friends. (only half of which are actual friends...the rest are, I played Words with Strangers)
- Ordered delivery food every day. (sick girls need soup...and cheesey bread) (I know this breaks my lenten promise...but I wanted soup....and milkshakes...and I added the break to meet the delivery minimum)
- Finally discovered Prime Time On Demand on my DVR box....I can catch up on new shows that I haven't had a chance to get addicted to yet??? SOLD!

Yes...I have failed miserably at "being active," and I blame my immune system.  If this was some divine test to see how strong my resolve was? Well, fuck.   But now the joke's on me anyway.  I just discovered that I love a new show on NBC primetime OnDemand...and I have to refrain from watching the rest of Season 1 in one sitting.  If I can't experience it in excess, I am not sure I want to experience it at all.

Please let me get better! PLEASE! I can't take it anymore.


  1. Aw. I hope you feel better soon. I can't even imagine trying to be productive when I'm sick. I lie in bed and whine and get all my food delivered and if people talk to me, I snap at them and I've thrown things at people too, possibly... I won't admit to it IRL, but it definitely has happened. So perhaps you're not being un-lazy, but at least it doesn't sound like you're being the total diva that could happen to a sick person!

  2. Well, fuck is right! Although I have an understanding of why you got sick because of the crazy things ya did, ya nut! I absolutely LOVE those On-Demand channels. That and my DVR are necessities. By the way, I'm on Words with Friends too, if you want to pretend you are playing with one less stranger. LOL (steelpride70 on there)

  3. I like to whine more than isn't quite as endearing when you are 28, wearing a snuggie, and crying "but i don't wanna take my medicine!!!"

  4. Absolutely! I never thought about reaching out to blog friends!

  5. Feel better. Last time I was sick I got addicted to Modern Family, a new find. Holy shit it made me feel better - so if you have yet to dive in, I'm giving it a big thumbs up.

    Excellent book report by the way.

  6. Ummm...Modern Family is AH-MAY-ZING! I think I dated a guy for 4 months purely because he introduced himself as "Clive Bixby." Phil is the best character on TV! :)

  7. When you're sick you deserve to stay in bed and eat yummy delivery food. I laughed out loud at the part about eating paper off the wall because it contained incriminating information!

  8. Thanks, love! I started to feel better...drank some wine in honor of Elizabeth Taylor...and relapsed into Sicky McSickerton. :p

  9. Feel better. Last time I was sick I got addicted to Modern Family, a new find. Holy shit it made me feel better - so if you have yet to dive in, I'm giving it a big thumbs up.

    Excellent book report by the way.



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