Wednesday, March 2, 2011

When Opportunity Knocks

I always say, "When opportunity knocks, you answer the effing door wearing nothing but black lace and a big smile!"  OK...I have never actually said that, but it WAS the first thing that popped into my head so maybe I will start saying it.

I have an amazing opportunity, but I need help deciding what to do.

I think every blogger secretly dreams of becoming recognized for their blog - maybe just some sponsorships that include free vibrators or maybe a book deal.  Whatever it may be, I believe there is a little kernel of hope inside us all.

However, I am realistic.  I am no writer and most sponsors would cringe at my fucking language.  Not everyone is willing to bet on a foulmouthed blogger who overuses ellipses like its her mother fucking job...  So I know that opportunities for me to turn my little hobby/passion into something larger are very limited. Very, very limited.

BUT, I was approached by a mutual friend who wanted to connect me with the President of Cincinnati's humor magazine, DERF.  She thought my style would work well for their "The-Onion-Meets-Cincinnati" style website and printed weekly paper.  She introduced him to my blog and I set up a time to meet in person for an "interview" of sorts.  One of the first things out of his mouth was, "Wow, you don't meet too many former [insert large Fortune 25 company name here] managers who drop the MF bomb quite like you!"  To which I replied, "Thank you."

As it turns out, he read my blog, liked my stuff, and agreed to take me on me as a regular contributor with credit for my blog! 

You are now reading the words of the newest writer for the largest Humor Magazine in Cincinnati! YAY!

Now for the dilemma... (I heart ellipses, sue me!)  He has asked me to reconsider my anonymity.  The vision for the magazine is to be able to highlight the writers in online newscasts, on local radio shows, and eventually make appearances at local events.  So Mademoiselle HauteMess doesn't exactly fit in with that plan.

I don't know what to do.  I don't exactly write about anything that could get me fired from my job.  BUT I do write about things that could get me fired from my family.  I don't think that I will actually become famous! I honestly feel like very little would change for me....except the big glaring portion where my parents find out about this blog, resulting in them finding out that I am not a virgin.  Which, for some odd odd odd reason, will shock them.

I am 28 years old and worried about my parents checking in on my shenanigans.  Don't judge.

I don't censor myself.  I just don't.  Being anonymous has created a safe place for friends to contribute stories to my blogs.  A place where I can safely write about my dating life (or lackthereof) freely without the boy knowing that I cyberstalked him.  A place where I can call my mother a hoarder and she will never have to call me, yell at me, cry, and hang up.

Don't get me wrong, I call my mother a hoarder to her face all the time...but she just tells me that I am being "ugly." (southern slang for bitch)  But there is something about the finality and permanence of PRINT that makes me feel like she may react poorly to reading about me getting drunk and having sex.

I am still allowed to write for the magazine under an alias (I don't think he is interested in "HauteMess" though), and there will still be a link back to the blog crediting me as the author...but I just won't ever have any other opportunities with the magazine as they expand.

What would you do?

If I have an alias, what should it be?

And what do you think I should write my first story about?

There are so many things to think about!!!

8 comments:

  1. CONGRATS!! That is awesome news!
    woot woot!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Congratulations!!!

    As for your decisions, obviously that's really something you'll have to decide for yourself. I know that for myself, if I ever went un-anonymous, I would censor myself hardcore. Like literally, I would go back and delete certain entries. Any entries that mentioned my mother ever, would have to go. As well as any detrimental ones about any of my friends, which is a surprisingly large amount. Anything that mentions drug use or my smoking habit or alcohol abuse or sex would be modified. And all future entries would be similarly censored. Which would suck for me since a large part of my blogging is catharsis. So I personally would stick with the alias. But again, it's obviously up to you.

    Either way, congratulations again! You totally deserve it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Congrats on the new gig!! And are you positively sure that you are truly anonymous?? Perhaps your mother and others closer to you are already reading the blog.

    Don't worry, I am definitely not one of them and is just a definite blog stalker of yours. But maybe coming out and making it all public wouldn't be such a change?!? :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think it is absoltely awesome that you get to be a paid writer! Freaking awesome. but I totally understand your issue with staying under cover. It still weirds me out to find out my uncle reads my blog and I dont even talk about sex or being drunk. Not because I dont want to but I became a boring married person and somehow now there is a serious lack of both in my life. Ok tangent...sorry. Anyway, I think subconsciously you will start censoring yourself. it may not be intentional but just the fact that you know people will know who you are when you write takes away that freedom of saying whatever the fuck you want. Do you want to move up with the magazine to be a local celeb and be a professional writer? Ultimately, it depends on what your goals are and if you can say Fuck you to anyone who personally gets offended by what you write. I say go from the gut! Can't you always reveal yourself at a later date if you decide you want to go public? Wait it out awhile and see how you feel, you cant unreveal yourself once you do so hold off until you are totally comfortable. I'm travelling for work and putting off a project so that's my unwarranted two cents. Feel free to tell me I am retarded.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "The other side of the sex sandwich"

    by

    Cuntfart Jones

    By the way, you'll have to credit me if you use it. Congrats on the gig, I'd take it, anonymity is for weenies.

    ReplyDelete
  6. What about a pen name like authors use? It can be your public name when working for them and can even be connected to your picture, but it's not associated with your real name.

    Sort of anonymous but sort of not? May allow you to still grow with the site?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you all for your advice! I have made my decision...I WILL be writing for DERF 100%! But i will continue to do so under a pen-name. My style is totally dependent on me being raw, uncensored, and bluntly honest. I can't start filtering stories about asshole ex-boyfriends or silly stories about my friends or else I have lost the heart of this blog.

    SO...there will be more fun content for you to read! But unfortunately for the world, it won't contain my picture! :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thank you all for your advice! I have made my decision...I WILL be writing for DERF 100%! But i will continue to do so under a pen-name. My style is totally dependent on me being raw, uncensored, and bluntly honest. I can't start filtering stories about asshole ex-boyfriends or silly stories about my friends or else I have lost the heart of this blog.

    SO...there will be more fun content for you to read! But unfortunately for the world, it won't contain my picture! :)

    ReplyDelete

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