Sunday, April 24, 2011

Deep Feelings...Don't Act So Surprised!

Pardon the interruption of your regularly scheduled drunken hijinks and gratuitous cursing for some more deep musings of mine.

Recently, I heard someone say that true love can't possibly exist unless it is returned.  I happen to disagree.  I believe that true love is at its most pure when it isn't returned.  (before I start sounding TOO deep...let me clarify that I heard the statement on an episode of Vampire Diaries)

I, of course, am speaking from personal experience.  I was deeply, deeply in love once.  Mr. Apathetic was gorgeous, muscular, funny, hard working, and I never stopped feeling grateful that he chose ME.  I loved him unconditionally.

During the tenure of the relationship, I was mostly happy...but just unhappy enough.  I'll spare you most of the details, but during the breakup he said "I just know that I can't make you happy long term.  Honestly, I never felt like I was enough for you."

Ouch! I wish that was the first time a man had said those words to me.  I don't exactly know why I have that effect...but that is another post for another time.

Anyhow, I know that we aren't meant to be together...he was emotionally withholding and that made me incredibly insecure.  We were sort of a mess towards the end.  The break up was the right thing.  We have both moved on.

But still, to this day, I love him.  I like sometimes like to call myself a "High Functioning Miss Havisham." 

I hold absolutely no illusions of being with him. I don't even want that anymore.  He has a new girlfriend, and they are very serious.  Recently, I saw him at a party with her, and he didn't even say hello.  He has no place in his heart for me.

However, if he asked me to, I would walk six miles in the rain to hold his hand at a hospital.  I would take off work to sit with him if he was suffering.  I would be there for him if he really needs me. I would do those things because I'll always love him...without hope or agenda. (and I stole that line from one of my favorite movie scenes of all time - from Love Actually, one of the BEST movies of all time).


Maybe its because I haven't really loved anyone since him...and maybe its because we ended on good terms and I don't HATE him, which is rare in my love life.  Either way, it still supports my thesis that true love CAN exist even when not returned. It is because I expect nothing in return that it is so pure.   It's not the crazy passionate "in love" type of love...but its love nonetheless.  (Boom! take that, Vampire Diaries writers)

10 comments:

  1. This is so eloquently written and totally sheds a whole new light on you. I really loved this especially since it speaks directly to my own heart. These are feelings I had about my ex and its never easy to put it into words. You did it so well...thanks for this.

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  2. "maybe its because we ended on good terms and I don't HATE him, which is rare in my love life."

    Are you me? I have a really similar situation with my most recent ex. I actually met my roommate through him so I still see him, though not as often as when I first moved in with the roomie. Every time he comes in town I always get way to drunk because I don't know how to deal with the emotions. It's really annoying and I'm usually embarrassed the next morning.

    Love your blog!

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  3. long time reader, first time commenter. i absolutely love this post. like love, love it.

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  4. Oh lord, that scene. That movie! Oh.

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  5. Gets me every time! Love it.

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  6. Thank you sooo much for reading and commenting! I was so nervous about posting this...it felt too raw or something. It means a lot to know you liked it! Thank you :)

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  7. Thanks for the blog love!

    And I cannot even believe that you still have to see your ex... every time I saw my ex for the first couple months after the break up, I basically got drunk, forced him to tell me why he didn't want to be with me, and went home in tears. If all you do is get a little too drunk - you are good! (in my book!)

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  8. THANK YOU! I was definitely nervous to post this ... it's a little more revealing than my usual hijinx. AND its nice to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. Thank you for the compliment - it made me feel less self conscious about this post.

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  9. Great info! I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog.

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  10. Thank you! I am always humbled by readers like yourself. I so appreciate your comment. :)

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