Sunday, April 24, 2011

Deep Feelings...Don't Act So Surprised!

Pardon the interruption of your regularly scheduled drunken hijinks and gratuitous cursing for some more deep musings of mine.

Recently, I heard someone say that true love can't possibly exist unless it is returned.  I happen to disagree.  I believe that true love is at its most pure when it isn't returned.  (before I start sounding TOO deep...let me clarify that I heard the statement on an episode of Vampire Diaries)

I, of course, am speaking from personal experience.  I was deeply, deeply in love once.  Mr. Apathetic was gorgeous, muscular, funny, hard working, and I never stopped feeling grateful that he chose ME.  I loved him unconditionally.

During the tenure of the relationship, I was mostly happy...but just unhappy enough.  I'll spare you most of the details, but during the breakup he said "I just know that I can't make you happy long term.  Honestly, I never felt like I was enough for you."

Ouch! I wish that was the first time a man had said those words to me.  I don't exactly know why I have that effect...but that is another post for another time.

Anyhow, I know that we aren't meant to be together...he was emotionally withholding and that made me incredibly insecure.  We were sort of a mess towards the end.  The break up was the right thing.  We have both moved on.

But still, to this day, I love him.  I like sometimes like to call myself a "High Functioning Miss Havisham." 

I hold absolutely no illusions of being with him. I don't even want that anymore.  He has a new girlfriend, and they are very serious.  Recently, I saw him at a party with her, and he didn't even say hello.  He has no place in his heart for me.

However, if he asked me to, I would walk six miles in the rain to hold his hand at a hospital.  I would take off work to sit with him if he was suffering.  I would be there for him if he really needs me. I would do those things because I'll always love him...without hope or agenda. (and I stole that line from one of my favorite movie scenes of all time - from Love Actually, one of the BEST movies of all time).

Maybe its because I haven't really loved anyone since him...and maybe its because we ended on good terms and I don't HATE him, which is rare in my love life.  Either way, it still supports my thesis that true love CAN exist even when not returned. It is because I expect nothing in return that it is so pure.   It's not the crazy passionate "in love" type of love...but its love nonetheless.  (Boom! take that, Vampire Diaries writers)


  1. This is so eloquently written and totally sheds a whole new light on you. I really loved this especially since it speaks directly to my own heart. These are feelings I had about my ex and its never easy to put it into words. You did it so well...thanks for this.

  2. "maybe its because we ended on good terms and I don't HATE him, which is rare in my love life."

    Are you me? I have a really similar situation with my most recent ex. I actually met my roommate through him so I still see him, though not as often as when I first moved in with the roomie. Every time he comes in town I always get way to drunk because I don't know how to deal with the emotions. It's really annoying and I'm usually embarrassed the next morning.

    Love your blog!

  3. long time reader, first time commenter. i absolutely love this post. like love, love it.

  4. Oh lord, that scene. That movie! Oh.

  5. Gets me every time! Love it.

  6. Thank you sooo much for reading and commenting! I was so nervous about posting felt too raw or something. It means a lot to know you liked it! Thank you :)

  7. Thanks for the blog love!

    And I cannot even believe that you still have to see your ex... every time I saw my ex for the first couple months after the break up, I basically got drunk, forced him to tell me why he didn't want to be with me, and went home in tears. If all you do is get a little too drunk - you are good! (in my book!)

  8. THANK YOU! I was definitely nervous to post this ... it's a little more revealing than my usual hijinx. AND its nice to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. Thank you for the compliment - it made me feel less self conscious about this post.

  9. Great info! I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog.

  10. Thank you! I am always humbled by readers like yourself. I so appreciate your comment. :)



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