Last Friday, while dining, Mr. GayMess and I came up with THE GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME.
It was the kind of week where you ask to be seated at the bar simply to enjoy faster drink service with your meal (nothing worse than having to wait 20 minutes with an empty wine glass before the waitress can get around to you). After we ordered our meals, we engaged in deep conversation about why the "EASY" mode on DJ Hero is not actually EASY. Suddenly, something in the corner of my eye called to me.
There she was! A hideous mannequin sitting in the corner of the bar wearing a short brown wig, velvet hat, mardi gras beads, a logo tee shirt advertising the bar, and a near invisible mini skirt.
So, of course, we spent the rest of our meal plotting how to steal her.
The $1 Plan:
Mr. GayMess said he would simply walk in the other dining room and mill around for a few minutes to waste time. Then, after he decides that the people at the bar forgot about him, he would confidently stride back into the bar room, grab her in all her glory, and just walk right on out the door. He would hope that if he was confident seeming, no one would notice or think he was in the wrong. Like he had been paid by the owner to remove her or something.
The Bajillion Dollar Plan:
I, on the other hand, I thought we could just pretend that she was our friend who got too drunk...so we would have to carry her out. However, upon further inspection, I realized that she was too stiff and rigid to play a drunken barfly. For my backup plan, I decided that I would have to pretend to be the drunk one so that it would like she was holding me up. I assumed that if I made a big enough spectacle, maybe no one would notice that she's a mannequin. They would all be staring at the drunk girl, hoping that I wouldn't puke. If anyone caught us on the way out, I would declare that she WAS a real girl...until they looked at her.
AND THAT...is when the BAJILLION DOLLAR IDEA was born. The best course of action to steal this whore-y mannequin would be to plot a Weekend at Bernie's meets Mannequin-style charade.
I liked this idea so much that I drunk-dialed one of my brother's best friends who is an Agent in LA to offer him the chance to represent me and get a 50/50 cut of the piles of money that will SURELY come in.
What could be more brilliant than a movie whose plot demands a real boy fall in love with an inanimate object in order for it to become real CROSSED WITH a movie predicated on exploiting the generosity of a dead man by parading his corpse around town so you can still stay in his mansion?? I did not received a call back. His loss.
The working title will be Weekend At Dummy's. Starring:
Mr. GayMess as "Hollywood" & Mademoiselle HauteMess as Estelle Getty's character (duh!) -
And This Bitch as Corpse/Mannequin -
We were planning to call this masterpiece Mannequin 2 until YouTube shared with us that the sequel already exists...