I am excited to see my friends who have moved all over the country (all three of them) but also nervous. Why so nervous? Possibly because I don't usually measure myself against a ruler that I defined 10 years ago. Even though I am pretty certain my life is awesome - it isn't exactly what I imagined at age 18.
Growing up in small town Indiana, there was a cookie cutter vision of the future. Go to college, meet man of dreams, get engaged, get dream job far away from home, get married, and then around age 28 you should be ready for babies.
However, like Robert Frost, I took the road less traveled.
I love my life. I love that my mother told me that I remind her of Chelsea Handler (more specifically she called us both "Diabolically irreverent"). I love that I watched all 6 Seasons of Lost while hungover on my couch this winter. I love that I can run a half marathon one weekend, drink an entire bottle of wine on a Sunday in a San Francisco park the next weekend, toast on top of The W in D.C. while looking at the Washington Monument & White House the following weekend, and then accidentally purchase two JUMBO slices of pizza at 2am and when the cashier tells me I should probably just get one...I feel personally offended and challenged enough to eat like 7,000 calories worth of pepperoni.
I love that I am going to Coachella...then back to Lollapalooza...then to MoogFest all in one year. I love my bikini body t-shirt collection. I love life in general - which is why I promised myself live it to the fullest even if its just little things every day.
Yet I am not exactly sure how to express this sentiment. Most of the people I grew up with have multiple kids...are married...and work at one of the small, maybe even seasonal, businesses in town. I have no husband, no kids, and a job that most people don't understand.
It doesn't matter what other people think of me. I know that. But, I think my bigger fear isn't what they think...but that maybe seeing myself through their eyes will bring back those old standards of success I envisioned when I was 18. Maybe I won't measure up in my own eyes. Maybe having to repeat over and over that I am not married, engaged, dating or even just sleeping with anyone will make me wish that I was. (However, to be clear, I couldn't be more happy about not having kids...for that, they will never change my mind)
So to get excited and pump myself up for this event, I have to do what any respectable movie character does....lose 10lbs and pretend I invented Post-Its!
ricock wasted and make some bad decisions at our Riverboat Casino! It may not be Vegas, but I heard we have the loosest slots in Indiana! (real billboard advertisement...) Until then...I shall be conflicted with fear and fascination of what's to come.
|I shall be telling this with a sigh|
|Somewhere ages and ages hence:|
|Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—|
|I took the one less traveled by,|
|And that has made all the difference.|