Tuesday, July 12, 2011

"Sorry for Partying" Highlights

As July rages on - The Sorry For Partying Gods have been good to me! Unfortunately, I don't have time to go into a ton of detail because I am scurrying to get my house clean, presentable, and envy-inducing for my Brother and SisterMess's arrival in 2 days.  I waited until now to actually put my house completely back together after the flood

Apparently my apathy extends beyond the online dating world and into unpacking boxes/moving furniture.  Times like this are when I miss having a a roommate who weighs more than 10lbs, doesn't leave a trail of white fur as she walks across my JUST cleaned floors, and has opposable thumbs.  Unfortunately, since Senorita CalienteMess moved out, Bitchy Little Rat Dog has been completely useless around the house. So I need to blog...and then clean. Sigh. #Singlewhitegirlproblems to the max.

I digress.

The 2 Week Highlight Reel:
  • I finished a box of wine in 2 sittings....one of which was on a boat. (while singing "I'm On A Boat," of course)  SORRY FOR PARTYING
  • At Senorita CalienteMess's birthday party, I ate approximately 18 oz of giant jello shots.  They came in cups so large that I was a walking "that's what she said" punchline. "Its too much, I can't take it all at once." "Ugh, it's so hard to swallow."  SORRY FOR PARTYING
  • While at dinner with a friend, it accidentally turned into a "date" after drinking half bottle of wine and spotting the "Instant Erotica" writer/phone sex operator.  After dropping a five on the lamest porn story ever, we forced strangers to read the erotica aloud as we enjoyed Pimms, Patron, Pinot Noir, and Pizza. SORRY FOR EROTICALLY PARTYING
  • I drunkenly ordered pizza at midnight without counting my cash first. Paid with a ten, 3 ones, 2 Sacajawea golden dollars, and 8 quarters.  SORRY FOR PARTYING
  • BlondeMess and I walked down the streets of downtown, splitting a pint of cherry vodka out of a Starbucks Cups to avoid an "open container" violations. SORRY FOR PARTYING
  • I booked a flight to Paris but then overdrafted my bank account while buying liquor for a party. SORRY FOR PARTYING
  • "Browned out" at a party and forgot that I promised to teach the Hot Pothead (of last year's Single Lady Bender face raping fame) how to make brownies. SORRY FOR PARTYING
However, je ne regrette rien! The day after overdrafting and making false promises...a hot guy showed up at my house with brownies, beer, and sushi...and he refused accept any cash.  It was like the universe said, "Ask and ye shall receive!"  THANK YOU SORRY FOR PARTYING GODS!


  1. That is awesome pure awesome. And brownies...the perfect topping!

  2. Beer, brownies AND sushi?  Sounds amazing.

  3. man. you know how to party. also i want that shirt!

  4. Brownies, beer and sushi is the ultimate in partying karma. Makes me want to be super sorry for partying like all the time. 

  5. Lemons Don't Make LemonadeJuly 14, 2011 at 7:37 AM

    You had me at "instant erotica." ;)


  6. The last time I drunk dialled for pizza, I was slurring so much they couldn't understand my address.

  7. I'm SO happy I found this blog! This definitely made my Saturday (sad, huh?).

    I've had nights when I was a walking "that's what she said" joke. It happens.




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