Friday, July 29, 2011

There Are Two (maybe Three) Kinds of Girls in This World

They say there are two kinds of girls in this world:
    1. Ones you date.
    2. Ones you marry.

I would like to offer the argument that there is a third type:
    3. Ones you make out with while drunk.
The most logical progression is to start as a the kind of girl someone makes out with, mostly because high school kids are slutty these days (according to ABC Family).  After a few slutty public makeout years, most girls likely turn into the kind of girl who dates.  They traipse through college on the arms of many frat guys and jocks, sowing wild oats and what have you. Eventually, a female is expected to mature into the graceful, classy type of woman that a man may want to marry.  He even thinks, "My parents will love her!" and other boring shit.

This is the logical progression... However- I seem to be on the exact opposite path.

Perhaps I was just too much of a catch at an early age!  Maybe I got bored with all the expectations of marriage without a formidable partner to inspire me.  My cheating college boyfriend was gung ho about marrying young...that sort of turned me off, if you can imagine.

So I focused on dating- and not getting too serious.  Actually, "dating" is an overstatement.  If I remember correctly, I used to tell boys, "Look, I'm not trying to be anyone's girlfriend, and I don't go on dates. If you would like to meet me out, I will tell you where to find me. The most you can hope for is a drunken makeout at the bar before I leave to go home... Alone."  It was actually very endearing - they used to eat that shit up and beg for more.  I suppose there is nothing like a challenge to keep the boys interested.  

That was so successful that I now only find guys who never want a commitment. I found guys that didn't even want to be my boyfriend. I have somehow gotten stuck in the rudimentary "drunken makeout" mode.  Somehow, playing hard to get and being challenging at 28 is very different than at 24.  Then, it was cute.  Now, I am a bitch. Then, I didn't want my heart broken again.  Now, I kind of want to feel those butterflies again.  Then, they came crawling.  Now, they stop calling. 

Maybe this is just karma.  If it is, all I have to say is, "To all those boys who wanted to date the damaged 24year old HauteMess- If this is your karmic revenge, then I'm sorry I'm not sorry. Fuck you."

Okay, Universe, your move. I've got some men to not date.


  1. KissinganddisastersJuly 29, 2011 at 7:34 PM

    I love this post... I felt this way a couple of years ago. now I feel like I have to figure out how to actual date someone.
    It is way harder then it should be.

  2. Omg I feel you . . . this is my life right now.  I loved how you ended with a call to the universe and the "I've got some men to not date".  Sheer brilliance!!

  3. Ooh!  THanks love...I will stop over to check you out for sure! ;)

  4. I know, right?  Aren't we supposed to just be biologically wired to attract the opposite sex?  WHy is it so freaking hard??  I have never been jealous of cave women...until maybe now... maybe... no, not really. :)

  5. People don't leave because things are hard. People do leave because it's no longer worth it.

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