Thursday, September 15, 2011

I'm Going to Par-eeeee!!!

Bonjour, Bitches!

In 24 hours from now, Mr. GayMess and I will be on an airplane crossing the Atlantic Ocean for some international debauchery! 

Back in June, I decided that I needed to take a REAL vacation.  After watching "Midnight in Paris," I quickly booked a plane ticket.  I then overdrafted my bank account 7 days later...  While this may not be the wisest money decision I have ever made,  I haven't had a real, 7 day vacation in 5 years.  I sooo need this!

To prepare for this trip, I have been focused on only the MOST important things:

1. Getting my hair cut into a Rose Byrne style...channeling Brigitte Bardot so that I can be an international sex symbol!  I started growing my bangs out 6 months ago...but when in Rome!

2. Taking online French courses to refresh the long forgotten French classes I took for 6 years.  So far I have the following phrases down:
- Plus de vin, s'il vous plaƮt.
- J'adore champagne.
- Je veux vous embrasser.
- Comment dit-on gang bang en francaise?

3. Purchasing clothing worthy of Paris...sequins (I may have an addiction to them right now), sheer tops, skinny black jeggings, scarves and jackets...I bought so many new "France clothes" that I am not completely sure they will fit in my luggage!

4. Making a list of goals.  No trip is ever complete without a list of goals...goals should always be simple, any maybe a bit naughty!
- Find something AWESOME (sparkly) at the French Flea Market to be my personal souvenir
- Get drunk and bicycle around French Wine Country.
- Eat cheese or pastry every day. (and since Mr. GayMess is vegan...more for me!)
- Spend hours at a sidewalk cafe...probably getting drunk in the afternoon and making fun of passersby in pig latin (since most people will understand what we say in English)
- Kiss under the Eiffel Tower


To really up the ante, I thought it would be even FUNNIER if Mr. GayMess and I ended up kissing the same guy under the Eiffel Tower but on different nights and we didn't know it.  I pictured it like the bi-curious, semi promiscuous version of "The Boy Is Mine" video.  I, of course, would be Monica and he would be Brandy.  We just need to find our shady Mekhi Phifer.

While perusing the travel aisle at Target last night, this idea sort of snowballed into the even funnier idea....Triple Kiss under the Eiffel Tower!  However, logistically that may be tough since he and I can't be in the same triple kiss because we are related. I mean, we are going to France not West Virginia.  Each of us finding two boys to kiss seemed a little daunting.

But then we devised ANOTHER, even funnier plan to avoid the ick factor of "kissing cousins" and the extra effort of picking up two strangers each.  We both just need to find our own semi promiscuous, bi-curious male.  Then we must our new friends to the Eiffel Tower where they will each take turns kissing us at separate times. 

Yes, yes, I know this is a very disturbing plot to be hatched on a Wednesday night at a midwestern Target store...but something about seeing an aisle full of tiny soaps makes me slap happy!

So anyway, here's to triple kissing under the Eiffel Tower!!  Wish me luck!

(OH - and since I am not bringing my computer with me...blogging may be difficult...hopefully the computers in the hostel are free long enough for me to write a mid week update for you!)

1 comment:

  1. Huh. It sounds like what you need is a kissing flash mob at the Eiffel Tower!  If anyone can pull it off, it's you! 

    You girls have fun! 

    ReplyDelete

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