Sunday, September 11, 2011

The "No Thank You Bite" Approach to Life

When I was in elementary school, there was a popular torture device my class's Aid would employ every day in the cafeteria.  It is called the "No Thank You Bite."

She forced all of us to eat at least one bite from each pile of beige colored mush. (I swear I thought that even cooked carrots and the cherry filling of pies were brown until I was 20)  If our plates looked like we hadn't touched one compartment of the tiny divided chamber tray, she would scold us then watch as we lifted the sporks to our tiny little mouths...she often made us swallow AND stick out our tongues to prove we weren't hiding anything under there.

As a child, the "No Thank You Bite" method is how I discovered that I hated cooked carrots, yams, corn casserole, salisbury steak, candied apples, broccoli, lettuce, school ketchup, and "cherry" pie.  I would dramatically choke back all these bites then moan and groan loudly to express my distaste.  I remember telling Mrs. Lewis once that I was grown up enough to know what I liked and what I didn't no thank you to HER.

I am pretty certain she yanked me by my ear to the corner where I had to sit and think about controlling my "smart mouth."  And if you are a regular reader, you already know how "effective" that time out was for controlling my "smart mouth."  If only she could see me now, I am certain she would be so fucking proud.

Anyhow, I decided to employ this method to further enhance my Yearlong Quest of Yes.  (Note: the only real nuance is that the Year of Yes is about trying new things that I don't know how well I will like them...the "No Thank You Bite" is trying things that I feel pretty certain I hate.)

As it turns out, I owe Mrs. Lewis a giant "THANK YOU!"

This week, I discovered that I like hiking! I don't know if you know this - but it is just WALKING! But in the woods and for hours.  The best part is, you don't even really need those unflattering boots!  I like it so much that  I even took Bitchy Little Rat Dog on a hike this weekend - turns out she digs it, too!  Who'dathunkit? Me - being outdoorsy in some way OTHER than getting drunk on patios.

Also, I just found out that I love Fantasy Football!  I don't LOVE sports...but I love winning and smack talk. I am way too competitive to join a league and just half ass it...and this week I fell in love!  I spent so much time this week trying to research the NFL and Fantasy Football that I quit online dating again so that I could have more time for my team. (My team name is The Virgin Heis-men - Get it? because it is my first time playing Fantasy...and Heisman sounds like Hymen! Get it?)  So, like my hero, Jenny from "The League," (an FX show that I have been totally crazy about even though I didn't know a lick about football) - I fully expect to surprise everyone with my mad skillz!

I am so excited about these newfound interests, that I can't wait to see what else I may like this week!


  1. I've been wanting to join a fantasy football league. I actually love football, but I don't know if I could wrap my head around the actual competitive nature of fantasy football. I don't like to lose and I don't think I'm educated enough on the players and such to win. Sigh.

  2. Hiking is one of my favorite things to do. I like the idea of the "no thank you bite," it really is good to give everything a try at least once.

  3. I always pictured hiking as super boring and bad I am glad I tried it...however, I may start regretting this approach soon! :)  Especially when it comes to men!

  4. It's so easy that even I can do it!  And I don't like football.  I simply googled, "fantasy football beginner tips."  And it was a quick tutorial on how to pick a team and who the top 5-10 players are for each position.  We should SOOO make a blog-girl Fantasy League!

  5. I love hiking and The League! But I'm not into fantasy football. My guy friends are, but I just haven't explored it yet. I hear it's highly addictive - so beware :)

  6. Much like Charlie Sheen, I am already winning! It is so much fun so far!!



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