Bad Decision August may be over...but I am still a walking calamity. This weekend, Senorita CalienteMess and I will be competing the Cincinnati version of the Amazing Race...dressed as Black Swan. Given that the weather is going to be 102 degrees with 80% humidity - I am thinking that we tell everyone that we are "Zombie Black Swan." So please stay tuned for reports including fatal injuries from stage makeup, twisted ankles while wearing Tutus, and general drunken debauch that comes standard with any long weekend. Happy Labor Day!
Rats! I bought the wrong size refills for my glue gun. Can you use super glue on swan feathers?? #singlewhitegirlproblems
After accepting a date with a suitor from OKCupid, I googled him. Google and Facebook revealed that his dating profile pictures were very misleading...BAD TEETH. So, rather than go on a date with him and his ugly mug, I deactivated my OK Cupid account so he couldn't contact me anymore. #shallowsinglegirlproblems
I don't know what happened. I used to be a soprano. Now, after years of drinking, I sound like a drag queen. #singlewhitegirlproblems
Something about his face makes me just want to be a bitch. Hmmm. THIS is why I am still single, eh? #singlewhitegirlproblems
Apparently, when I wake up (still drunk) at 5am, I think I am Buddy The Elf. Except, instead of sugar and maple syrup, my favorite food groups are Red Wine, Champagne, Vodka, and Pizza. #singlewhitegirlproblems
Hannnnggggggover. I think I just sneezed Patron. #singlewhitegirlproblems
You might be a HauteMess if your dad has to pick you up from an airport 2 hours away (after you were re-routed to avoid Hurrican Irene) because you are still too drunk to rent a car. #singlewhitegirlproblems
Let me lay a big fat pearl of wisdom on you...you want advice on how to prevent hangovers? NEVER.STOP.DRINKING! #singlewhitegirlproblems or #shouldicallyoursponsor?