My Dad went to his 45th High School Reunion a couple weeks ago and reconnected with a long lost pal. He found out that this pal's son (a successful environmental engineer) is single...and lives in Cincinnati.
I am sure his thought process went something like this:
"My daughter CLEARLY isn't getting any younger, AND her taste in men is suspect. So now it is up to me to find someone to marry my daughter before she becomes a modern day (i.e. crass) Emily Dickinson."
He has told me not once, not twice, BUT THRICE all about how cool his friend's son sounds, and how I need to call him and be friends. Each time, I nod in fake agreement and say, "Yeah sure. Just get me the contact info." HA! I knew I had him there. I was POSITIVE that he didn't get the contact info from his friend and wouldn't be able to figure out how to get it.
Well, damn fucking Facebook.
My parents know firsthand how easy it is to stalk people on the reg from Facebook. My mom has had a Facebook account for 3 years and just stopped writing 'Thank You' notes on my friends' walls for being such good friends to me while growing up...she is now into the harder stuff: Photos, Places, and 'trolling status updates for clues.
For years, my dad was happy to stalk from over my mom's shoulder, glancing at our lives from a computer screen. Recently, he graduated into full-on hacking mom's account so he could creep around on Facebook from his BlackBerry. (Note: My dad can't figure out how to use the 'SHIFT' key when emailing, so he types in all caps....but somehow figured out how to hack my mom's Facebook account from his phone. I don't know if that is REAL irony - but I bet it fits the Alanis Morrisette definition fairly well.)
AND THEN... YESTERDAY.... in my inbox....it was staring me in the face.....THE DAD FRIEND REQUEST. Seconds later...the phone call from "Home" asking me to accept the request.
Since my Dad doesn't know how to type without cyber-shouting, he just stood over my mom's shoulder and dictated to her what to say on his shiny, new profile. Then having her call me when she couldn't figure out how to add or change something. I spent the better part of my hangover Sunday watching his friend list grow steadily with The Muchacho, SisterMess, Senorita CalienteMess, Mademoiselle BlondeMess, Mr. GayMess, and 57 of my other friends.
Anyhow, long story short, he joined Facebook for the sole purpose of joining his high school reunion Facebook Group. This allowed him to contact his old "pal" and promptly acquire the son's contact information. Coincidence?? I think NOT!
Being that I just decided to follow the "No Thank You Bite" approach - I had to bite off a big chunk of one of my worst nightmares...following through on a parental set up. (Parental date set up is right behind behing tipped over in a port-a-potty, door side down!)
However, I refuse to let this newfound slyness get out of control, so I sent my parents the following email (real email, I swear) shortly after crafting one of the universe's most awkward Facebook Messages:
Dear Mom and Dad,
Please Note: I am not oblivious to the fact that this is a set up. However, I like you both enough to pick my battles. But please be warned, I draw the line at publicly offering a dowry on eBay.
No word yet from the potential suitor - but I will let you know if I ever hear back from him and he isn't creeped out.