Thursday, November 17, 2011

From Tween to Granny in 24 hours

After my last post about swallowing the Hunger Games Trilogy with my eyeballs, I woke up the next morning and found that I had aged approximately 60 years.

"HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?" you ask.

Simple.

[CUE FLASHBACK SEQUENCE]


It all started one rainy, hungover Saturday morning.  While going through my massive DVR queue, an infomercial caught my attention in between episodes of Happy Endings and Modern Family. The CHEFDINI! It looked so amazing.

You can literally make salsa in 10 seconds! They even showed a woman make a 6 foot long party sub with tuna salad and fresh veggies in less than 5 minutes. What if I need to make a party sub someday and only have 5 minute?  What if I think that knives are too slow and too difficult to use?

In my hungover haze, I immediately went to their website and tried to order my very own Chefdini (and if I hurried, I also got a bonus FREE chefdini to give to a friend! Hello Christmas presents!), but the website was down and wouldn't process my card.

Against my better judgement, my lust for evenly chopped/sliced vegetables overcame me.  I did the most Spinstery thing possible....I dialed the 1-800 number.

After shucking and jiving to avoid all the other old-lady-fabulous offers they tried to trick me into accepting (did you know that you can get free emerald earrings if you just pay $60 in handling fees? or that you can get a Home Life monitoring system to detect when you fall and can't get up for 3 months free?) - I wasted approximately 17minutes of my life with an automated sales lady just trying to get my fucking veggie chopper for 1 payment of $39.95 + 6.95 in S&H fees! I hung up exhausted but still excited for my new kitchen toy!

[FLASH FORWARD TO THIS TUESDAY MORNING]

When I wake up, I like to ease into my day by using my phone to check my bank account, the weather, how Kim Kardashian's divorce is coming along, etc.  While looking at my bank account, I noticed a new OVERDRAFT FEE!

I thought to myself, "How in the fuck did that happen? I paid for everything in cash this weekend."  So I clicked on my account for more details.  CHEFDINI CHARGED ME $210??!?!?  WTF?

I immediately thought, "AW HELL NAW!" and went into GrandmaMess mode.

Step 1: Call the company and yell at some poor Indian man that they overcharged you. He tells you that you ordered 2 Chefdini (you didn't) and that is why it cost $210 (2x$39.95 does not equal 200+ bucks, buddy) So you tell him that he is outrageous and his company is made up of a bunch of shysters and based on principle, you would like to cancel all orders and be taken of their call list. You will NEVER purchase a Chefdini from them. (but you note silently that you will probably will look for it at Bed, Bath & Beyond in 6 months)
Step 2: Call your credit card company and ask to have all overdraft charges reversed as you complain about bad business practices and being taken advantage of my the As Seen on TV automated telephone salesbot.
Step 3: You then file a formal complaint with the Better Business Bureau about "Telebrands" poor business practices.

Yes. I yelled at a call center representative, complained to my bank about As Seen on TV, and filed a formal complaint with the Better Business Bureau all before 8am.

Why don't I just grab a shawl, sip some hot tea, slap on my glasses, and sit my Reader's Digest while Matlock plays in the background? #spinstergirlproblems

2 comments:

  1. I love it!! I had this happen to me a few years ago when I tried to order a snuggie. I should be ashamed to admit this but whatever.

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  2. Those As-Seen-on-TV companies are definitely sheisty. Even Proactiv. They overcharged me on their crappy product and I had to call in and argue with some dude overseas. Now I'm temping at a company that sells stuff online and I get old ladies calling me to complain. Just got off a 20 minute phone convo with a 60 year old woman who doesn't know how to cut and paste in an email

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