Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Holy Crap - My Mouth Just Came...

[SPOILER ALERT: If you are one of my closest lady friends, please don't read this post unless you want to know what I will be giving you for Christmas this year...every girl needs to find this stuffed in her stocking!]

I subscribe to - the ultimate online Beauty curator - and they send me a pretty little box every month with samples of new beauty products like nail polish, lotion, eye creams, shimmery hand sanitizer, eye liners & mascara, etc.  But when I opened the box yesterday, I saw a curious little blue foil wrapper that didn't look like makeup.

As I picked it up, I saw the words "DARK CHOCOLATE" and "POPPING CANDY" - I stopped reading, stopped thinking, and basically became like a vampire around a paper cut.  I uncontrollably ripped open the beautiful foil package and took one giant, hearty bite out of the little leaf shaped, palm sized candy bar.

OH.MY.GAW.  I had the big 'O' in my mouth!

As the popping sensation tickled my tongue, I felt a warm sensation from something spicy.  That is when I realized realized that I didn't even really know what I was eating.  After my eyes were done rolling back in my head, I fixed them firmly on the Birchbox info card as I took a second bite.

It said:
The Firecracker ChocoPod combines our premium dark chocolate blend with popping candy and spices for an explosion of flavors. Enjoy the sensations of your throat warming as your whole mouth playfully tingles and pops. Welcome to the wild side of chocolate. All natural & just 50 calories each!
And then....I came again. 50 calories for one of the most entertaining & delicious treats I have ever had? Yes, please.  I wanted so so much more of that sizzling little pop sound as the velvety dark chocolate melted into salty sweetness with a kick of spice!

I then went to the company website, read THEIR marketing campaign...
Chipotle, salt, popping candy, oh my!  Give the gift of giggles with our Firecracker chocolate bars.  The nice, balanced heat from the chipotle plays perfectly with the sea salt and the unexpected fun of popping candy.  A favorite of kids and grown-ups alike, we guarantee you've never had anything like the Firecracker!
... And promptly ordered $130 worth of Chuao Firecracker chocolate and assorted ChocoPods.  That's right...I spent over $100 on CHOCOLATE (while actively trying to lose weight on Weight Watchers) and I don't care.

I won't even care if the box is gigantic and says "CHOCOLATE FOR FATTIES" all over it while being hand delivered by Ryan Gosling...I will grab it, rip it open, and stuff another pod into my mouth before even acknowledging that another human being is within 3 feet of me. (and really, by that time, he has probably already assumed I am rabid or autistic)

The moral of this story is - this candy will make you morph into a wild animal, unable to focus on anything but the prey sitting in front of it...OR you have no soul.


  1. I haven't even tried these and I'm ordering them. I kind of want to pick some up in person, but dear god my taste buds can't wait.

    Thanks! (This doesn't help my diet either...oh well)

  2. bahahahahahah I'm not a fan of chocolate but after this post, I want!!!

  3. The little Chocopods are only 50 calories each.  Not a bad after dinner treat! Fewer calories than a skim latte! :)

  4. I received the chocolate this week....I can confirm. YOU WANT! :)



Related Posts with Thumbnails