This weekend, I was dubbed "The Human Honey Badger" after bullying the Muchacho into giving me his food by stealing things from him, including iPhone and sunglasses. I immediately posted this glorious feat to Facebook as an "Epic Win." My parents replied back that they didn't understand why I would want to be in the "weasel family." Family Fail. #singlewhitegirlproblemsMaybe I really should start tagging these as #sorrymomanddadbutthismylife or #reasonswhyiamstillsingle. Ha!
I played hide & go seek with my 10lb rat dog tonight. At one point she stopped looking. I felt rejected. #singlewhitegirlproblems
I started crying while watching a Hallmark commercial. I was so shaken up that I left the following HeyTell messages for The Muchacho:
- "FUH-KING Hallmark. They just had a little commercial with a fuckin' book and it had this little kid recorded reading it. And his dad was a goddamned soldier. *sniffle* Goddam holiday commercials." ...
- "The only way they could have made me cry harder was if a fucking puppy jumped out of the card and was immediately hit by a car." #singlewhitegirlproblems
While going through the contacts in my phone, I ran across the following "Alec Young Dude." I wondered who he was so I clicked on the contact. The only information captured (besides his digits) was "Friends with my cousin. Born in 1987..." Kentucky Derby Strikes Again! #singlewhitegirlproblems
Actual text messages I sent tonight to Mr. GayMess and Mademoiselle BlondeMess: "Any interest in going to a jazz show tonight so I can meet my future ex boyfriend?" "My hair and makeup aren't terrible. Want to wing for me?" #singlewhitegirlproblems
Thursday, November 3, 2011
#Singlewhitegirlproblems: The Things I Should Be More Embarrassed To Admit Edition
This week has been a whirlwind of tulle, zombie makeup, vodka, and (dare I say it?) KARDASHIAN. If I am honest with myself, this 5 day hangover has provided me with a list of #singlewhitegirl "embarrassments." Am I ashamed? Sorta. Should I freely admit them to the public? Probably not. Will I? You betcha!