Thursday, November 3, 2011

#Singlewhitegirlproblems: The Things I Should Be More Embarrassed To Admit Edition

This week has been a whirlwind of tulle, zombie makeup, vodka, and (dare I say it?) KARDASHIAN.  If I am honest with myself, this 5 day hangover has provided me with a list of #singlewhitegirl "embarrassments."  Am I ashamed? Sorta. Should  I freely admit them to the public? Probably not. Will I? You betcha!

This weekend, I was dubbed "The Human Honey Badger" after bullying the Muchacho into giving me his food by stealing things from him, including iPhone and sunglasses.  I immediately posted this glorious feat to Facebook as an "Epic Win." My parents replied back that they didn't understand why I would want to be in the "weasel family." Family Fail.  #singlewhitegirlproblems

I played hide & go seek with my 10lb rat dog tonight. At one point she stopped looking. I felt rejected.  #singlewhitegirlproblems

I started crying while watching a Hallmark commercial. I was so shaken up that I left the following HeyTell messages for The Muchacho:
- "FUH-KING Hallmark. They just had a little commercial with a fuckin' book and it had this little kid recorded reading it. And his dad was a goddamned soldier. *sniffle* Goddam holiday commercials." ...
- "The only way they could have made me cry harder was if a fucking puppy jumped out of the card and was immediately hit by a car."  #singlewhitegirlproblems

While going through the contacts in my phone, I ran across the following "Alec Young Dude." I wondered who he was so I clicked on the contact. The only information captured (besides his digits) was "Friends with my cousin. Born in 1987..." Kentucky Derby Strikes Again! #singlewhitegirlproblems

Actual text messages I sent tonight to Mr. GayMess and Mademoiselle BlondeMess: "Any interest in going to a jazz show tonight so I can meet my future ex boyfriend?" "My hair and makeup aren't terrible. Want to wing for me?" #singlewhitegirlproblems
Maybe I really should start tagging these as #sorrymomanddadbutthismylife or #reasonswhyiamstillsingle. Ha!  

5 comments:

  1. I cry at Hallmark commercials, too. They really know how to pull the heart strings.

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  2. SisterMerryHellishNovember 6, 2011 at 9:52 PM

    Oh dear sweet Morgan Freeman do NOT let me see that commercial!!!

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  3. I would like to meet the guy who writes those things! (and then punch him in the nose! NOBODY makes me cry!)

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  4. I would avoid all contact with television until January 1st then!  The Christmas commercials are the WORST! :)

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  5. you had me at your header. love it. too funny. thrilled I stumbled upon your blog. totally following. If you get second, I'd love if you'd check out mine. It's all about the adventures of a east coast girl turned LA stylist. thanks, love. xo

    www.fashboulevard.blogspot.com

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