Friday, November 18, 2011

#Singlewhitegirlproblems - "Vampires Can't Get You Pregnant" Edition

I have had a bad week, so naturally all I feel like doing is watch vampires have sex and werewolves fall in love with infants. #Singlewhitegirlproblems

I have no one to watch Breaking Dawn with me this weekend, but I don't know if I have the patience for Madame MarriedMess to get back from a holiday visit with family to see it next week, but I also don't want to look like a pedophile if I go alone. #Singlewhitegirlproblems


BONUS FEATURE TODAY:

A Girl With Too Much Time On Her Hands Rant
I have a real problem with the premise of Breaking Dawn. [Spoiler Alert: I am about to tell you what happened in the book] Vampires have no bodily fluids. They can't cry, sweat, bleed, or pee.   SO - how in the fuckety fuck does Edward Cullen produce SEMEN?!?

The only liquid that is mentioned in the first 1500 pages of Twilight is VENOM. So, it would be more likely that Edward would kill Bella with some hot lava venom than impregnate a ho.  

If anything, his ejaculation should just be a puff of smoke.  Or I also imagine it could be like on of those old cartoon guns that only shoots out a message scroll that says, "BANG."

But real life ejaculate so potent that both virgins make a baby on their first 30second try??  I did not see that coming.... (no pun intended, but now I kind of wish I could take credit for it)

4 comments:

  1. I did not like Breaking Dawn at all - I know you shouldn't pick a book apart for holes, but I did.

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  2. Never seen any of the movies or read any of the books, but True Blood vamps cry blood. Maybe he shot off some bloody ejaculate?

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  3. Also never read it or seen the movies but I pictured one of those New Year's Eve pop toys that shoot out glitter and confetti. 

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  4. It's probably formaldehyde.

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