Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Good Idea or Bad Idea? Both a Possibility

Inspired by Leslie Knope on the episode of Parks and Recreation that caused me to shoot both arms straight up in the air with jazz hands and shout "YESSSSSS." (see below) I realized that I haven't been totally honest lately about my love prospects.  While there is TECHNICALLY nothing to report, I sort of had my own Leslie Knope secretive male interest this year.

I, too, have kept this under wraps to avoid scandal.  (Also, because he actually reads this blog)  But I just had a bottle of wine for dinner and Dolly is on Spotify, SO - FUCK IT!  This is just  a risk of knowing me...you will likely have an awesome time and laugh until your sides hurt, but you may read something about yourself on my blog that you didn't know before.  So here goes nothing...

"Mr. Possibility" : Nothing More, Nothing Less.  

The Backstory
I met Mr. Possibility years ago.  In my initial assessment, he was "meh." Just another friend of a friend with a girlfriend I really liked.  Then a few months back (while we were both single), he went from "Meh!" to "Oh, Heyyy!"

Due to circumstances beyond our control, we had to share a bed one weekend.  I know this is going to sound weird coming from ME...but the fact that he DIDN'T put the moves on me was the sexiest thing he could have done.  Instead, we talked until we fell asleep...then woke up and started talking some more.  For the first time, he stopped being a friend of a friend and became MY friend.

We started hanging out more; I genuinely liked him as a friend.  AND THEN... one day I saw his bucket list posted to his bedroom wall.  It was beautiful.  It all sort of hit me: The laughs, The fun, The trust.  And I smiled....He became a possibility.

The Recent History
One night, while hanging out and having the kind of epic night that only we could conjure...there was talking, flirting, making out, and lingering sexual tension...but no more, no less.

What did it all mean?

We sort of secretly began talking more, following up to see if there was something special there. BUT fear curtailed any romantic hopes almost immediately.  He realized that our future was riddled with dangerous landmines like mutual best friends.  I realized that he wants to be an awesome DAD...and I want to be an awesome AUNT.

So we quit. We demoted each other to "just friends" in the blink of an eye and moved on.

Or Did We?
Sometimes it feels like we are just friends, and sometimes it doesn't.   I never really know.

Here is what I do know: I love hanging out with him. He makes me belly laugh.  He lets me make fun of him incessantly.  He tells me that I look pretty.  He carries my bags.  He was the first person I wanted to call when I found out my dad was sick.  And sometimes, he looks at me...you know the look I am talking about.

Yet, I can't seem to figure out if any of this is a good idea or a bad idea.  (Drunk Me votes GOOD IDEA! Sober Me votes bad...) I mean, I may not be running for City Council of Pawnee, Indiana - but I don't want to get hurt, so I keep the Heisman arm up.

And then Leslie Knope (and a bottle of red wine) made me realize: We spend so much time busying ourselves with thoughts of "What if it doesn't work out?" instead of just saying, "FUCK IT! What if it does?"  And really...what if it does?

4 comments:

  1. I say go for it.  You already have the makings for a great relationship.  Life is too short not to go for the gusto.

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  2. I like the boldness here!!  I always say that nothing is promised in life except this moment and our choices in it.  I think you two should pay more attention to this moment and how you feel in it then all these other extraneous things that may or may not surface as an issue... and sounds like in the moment you feel something pretty great... so go for it... put your heart out there and embrace this moment for all you can!

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  3. He sounds awesome.  I say definitely, fuck it, what if it does?!  If not, someone else will jump on it.  Like me!  Give me his number!

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  4. Oh damn... "The LOOK." You gotta go for it, girl. Otherwise, you might end up spending the rest of your life (cliche melodrama, I know) wondering what if, what if, what if.

    I went for it with my first guy against all the wild paranoia people put into my head simply because I knew I couldn't take the wondering if I didn't. It ended up being destructive and it hurt me like no other pain...

    BUT, I don't regret it. I've learned, I've lost, and I've moved on. Most importantly--I KNOW. I also know that so much shit out there geared towards womankind tells us to think about our futures and make lists of what we want and what he can't provide or how we'd be incompatible in the long run.. But fuck them all! I say that if the love is worth it in our bones and souls, you work to keep it.

    Good luck :)

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