Wednesday, January 18, 2012

How to Waste Time & Money Online

I wrote this beautifully crafted blog post...a true work of art.  And then I tried to publish the draft from my iPhone and it DELETED all the content.  SO....basically I suppose my only real advice to waste time is using blogger from your iPhone. :)

So anyhow, I am sort of an expert in online procrastinating and online shopping...and since I have very little other valuable advice to impart at the moment, please enjoy another HauteMess How-To!

HOW TO WASTE TIME & SPEND MONEY ONLINE


1. Spencer's Market - Like deals? Love food? Have restrictions? NO WORRIES!  This website is like the Groupon for people with special dietary needs (gluten free, nut allergy, vegetarian, vegan, etc).  In my first week of being a member, I bought vegan macaroons AND mutha-fuckin QUESO! (This site isn't fucking around!) I can be a vegan AND get cookies and queso at a discount?? SOLD. (note: please excuse me while I gorge on corn chips and queso with a side of diet moutain dew!) (no one's perfect...)
2. Michael Buble Being Stalked By A Velociraptor - In case you haven't ever imagined an alternate universe where humans and dinosaurs exist, this website provides endless amusement.  I am not 100% sure why this makes me laugh so hard - I think it may be imagining that the ultimate catch for a velociraptor is none other than THE Mr. Michael Buble. OR perhaps it is just imagining the time people spend on photoshopping for this entirely user generated website. HI-Larious.
3. Kim Jong Il Looking At Things - I know this may not be the most tastefully timed recommendation, but I have been looking at Kim Jong Il looking at things since November.  The part that makes me laugh is the captions underneath...they are so banal that they become funny en masse!
4. The Post Punk Kitchen Top 100 of 2011- As a newbie vegan, I have been looking for the cool kids to show me the ropes.  Like the kids in high school who can show you how to make out in the boiler room (a la Angela Chase and Jordan Catalano) or how to get under the bleachers to smoke, this website is amazing at showing a new vegan how to do awesome things like MAKE YOUR OWN CHEESE and the vegan equivalent of nutella! As I read it, I purchased a new non-stick pan, cheese cloth, and nutritional yeast from Amazon.com...so this chick has her sales pitch down tight! (Her reco on the queso also helped me pull the trigger on Spencer's Market...QUESOOOOO!!!) (I also have a plastic bag of random vegetable discard in my freezer for future vegetable broth...don't judge)
5. Dear Blank, Please Blank - This is a website where users can submit their own hilarious letters like (my personal favorite):
Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the Ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, The Unicorns.
After reading these, I keep finding myself formulating little "Dear Blank, please blank" letters in my head. I have been secretly working on a "I.E. vs E.G." letter for months...unsuccessfully. It is so clever in my head...
Dear "i.e."
People say we are different, but I am going to need an example.
Sincerely, "e.g."

Enjoy your Hump Day!! May you waste your time and money as responsibly as I do! ;)

5 comments:

  1. Ahhahaaaa thank you for the suggestions, especially number 1 because this Vegan ^&*( is killing me! The place I live has nothing I can eat. So I will be wasting time online vegan shopping for cookies FO SHO

    Sorry about the deletion thing. That sucks!! Its still in your head though.. try again! It's just like telling a story a second time.

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  2. I just signed up for Spencer's Market!  Thanks for the head's up!

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  3. Let me know how you like it!  I still haven't received my queso, but I have dreamed about it daily since purchasing! :)

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  4. I just like the idea of NOT having to go to Whole Foods and pay a million dollars on yummy vegan friendly treats.  AND I love deals.  Let me know how Spencer's works for you! I am dying to get that queso!

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  5. New Diet Taps into Innovative Plan to Help Dieters Lose 20 Pounds in Only 21 Days!

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