Happy 2 Year Anniversary to Carrie Bradshaw Is Full of Shit!
I know that my life has been so boring lately. I apologize! It's hard to be the same old HauteMess when I am taking care of my dad, keeping my mom sane, and trying NOT to drop any balls at work. I could have gone the Demi Moore route - but Whipits and Salvia are sort of Miley's scene. (a.k.a. Some Floridian trailer park) So, in honor of Awards Season in Hollywood, I will celebrate my favorite moments over the past 2 years....AND I vow to be more exciting soon!
(I have been on Match.com and have 2 dates this week. I am almost 100% certain that they will turn out just as hilarious as the previous dates!)
The 2 Year Anniversary "Best Of" List: Friends & Family Edition!
Best Triumph Over Adversity Award goes to ... The #SingleGirlProblems my friends are constantly facing!
One of my VERY favorite new recurring posts has to be #Singlewhitegirlproblems (or insert whatever descriptor you feel best captures your own silliness). The new hashtag has infiltrated all of our text messages ... last weekend I sent out the following text: "While having a dancing to a Disney Music Pandora channel, my socks were too slippy for my hardwood floors and I busted my ass. #singlewhitegirlproblems" and "I really want to go to the New Edition concert on Valentine's Day, but tickets are $75....I will get drunk at home with a Bobby Brown CD instead. #singlewhitegirlproblems"
Best Potty Issues Award goes to ... My Mom!
To be clear, I still don't fart in front of anyone and SWEAR up and down to boyfriends that girls only pee!
Best "Subtle" Attempt to Marry Me Off Award goes to ... My Dad!
Not only does my dad join Facebook...but he is now using it to track down old friends who may be able have children that are single and my age. The cutest part is, he truly believed he was being very sly!
Best Month Ever Award goes to ... Sorry For Partying July!
My Brother and SisterMess came in town, it was Senorita CalienteMess's birthday, Jortstock IV: Thighs the Limit, and the most epic game of Jenga ever.
Best Vacation of All Time Award goes too ... Paris with Mr. GayMess
Paris was an amazing time! From shouting in drunken, broken French about gang bangs and flaccid penises to traipsing through St. Emillon. (Note: The St. Emillon links to a lost post that I forgot to publish MONTHS ago! ENJOY!) It was wonderful and I hope to do it again!
Best Inappropriate Chain Letters Award goes to .... My Grandma!
We all have that friend or family member who sends us forwards warning us about people with chloroform in cheap perfume bottles who stalk you in Wal Mart parking lots to gas you, rape you, then kill you....but my Grandma takes the art of FWD:'s to a whole new level by sprinkling in random humor, chain letters threatening the wrath of God, and racism throughout my inbox. And for that, I thank her! Clicking "delete" an additional 17times a day keeps my index finger slim!
Thank you so much for an incredible 2 years! I appreciate all my friends and family who make my life fun and memorable! But mostly, right now I appreciate everyone who reads this!!! Thank you for sticking with me through good times and bad. Here's to another 2 years of awesome.